Sensual Thoughts

Uncomplicated Giving

2009-08-06T09:09:00.002-04:00

Giving is a way of life... Uncomplicated giving is just that. Uncomplicated. When you stand at the doorway a few extra seconds while you wait for someone to get there or when you pass by a stranger and actually look in their eyes and smile is a beautiful way to give. No strings and no agenda this is something that can profoundly change the way in which that person interacts with the people involved in his world that day. Not to mention that it makes ME feel good.
For me, this act of sensuality is an integral part of who I am and how I am. This doesn't mean that I want to have sex with strangers that I smile at or hold a door open for. What it does mean is that there is never a time in my life I reserve my sensual self for. There are so many levels that my own sensuality can be present and alive every single second of my waking hours.
I remember on time I was walking into a 7'11 and I saw a man get out of his car and head up to the door. Now, of course I know he's coming to the door though he was probably a good 20 seconds away from it. I know that doesn't sound like long but in the world of holding a door open I believe most people have a 2 second rule. If you are not directly behind the person going in you just let go of the door. So, anyway, I waited for him with a smile.... In the grand scheme of things, what is 20 seconds out of my life........ well, I'll tell you what that 20 seconds is for me.... and now for a complete stranger..........
It was profound. This person's gate was heavy, strong, determined as he bounded toward the door looking down the entire time. I'm sure his mind was on something that completely engrossed his every thought and I don't think those thoughts were positive. You can always tell when someone is not a "happy camper".
I found all of this out within the 20 seconds I stood there waiting for him. When he finally did look up and saw me there he was a few feet away from the door in which I was holding and he gallantly stepped up to a fast walk as to not make me stand there longer. That was a nice gesture. I immediately said, "don't run, it's too early for that. Take your time, no rush". He stopped and he look at me and said..."Young lady, you just made my day, Thank you". that said with a smile that was expressed not only by his lips, but by his eyes. I watched the angst that followed him out of his truck completely disappear. What I saw was a pair of big brown smiling eyes.
Why did I do this.. Not for him, I don't know him... I do this for me... because giving or transferring positive energy out to the universe via one person at at time makes me feel happier than I made him feel. This is a circle of giving that is uncomplicated and one in which is so easy to give. I have found that I no longer even have to think about these sorts of things.. they now come naturally and lovingly.
I believe the guarded walls we all create to survive have been moved back in my mind. This allows me to be so much more empathetic to the human condition. I went from wondering why someone was "looking at me" to enjoying that instant and spontaneous connection with a smile. It's a huge leap in NY to do that.. any of you that live here understand what I'm saying and what I mean.
Smile at strangers, hold a door a few extra seconds. You will be happily surprised how much this changes your outlook and your state-of-mind as well as the ones you are around.

Neglecting my Blog!

2008-12-11T09:20:00.002-05:00

Wow.. August was the last blog. What the heck have I been doing that has taken me away from my writing. I'm not being a very good Muse lately, am I ?

Well, as we all know life tends to get in the way of our fun sometimes. But not to worry, it's all been good stuff. Well... the economy isn't that hot but I know this too shall pass. My heart-felt wishes for your success during this time is always given. I too work in a construction business that has slowed down dramatically.

This is a note to you telling you that I will be writing again. One of the things that has kept me from writing here is that I've been writing other places! As most of you know, I created my own website and do this also as a hobby. I write on all types of subjects as they hit my brain I create an area for them to be seen. Not all are related to the "adult" type websites.

I have been doing Body Work and Exploration for a few years now and have developed my own personal style. Not only that, but I've actually developed an entirely new massage technique based on Esalen and Tantric Touch. These are now incorporated into my own technique which I'm in the middle of getting Trademarked. So as you can see there is a lot going on right now.

I will never forget about this blog or SensualExploration.com It is my first love and always will be. This is by far the most favorite places for me to be. Giving a Sensual Massage for those who genuinely crave them is the most wonderful exchange I can ever think of. I love the human sensual spirit and crave to explore every inch of it with you!

So, though I might not be blogging as much for a little while, please know that I am here and available! Please feel free to write on my blog what ever you like and I will always respond in kind. No matter what, there is never a time when I don't want to know your thoughts, desires, likes and dislikes all the time!

::Hugs::

Negative Cycle "Why are you just sitting there?"

2008-08-06T09:43:00.006-04:00

Negative Cycle

Need for touch and the lack of it in this hustle bustle world. Some people are so accustomed to giving, giving, giving that they do not have the ability to relax and feel. I see this on a regular basis. To truly understand and grasp what I ask of someone is not an easy thing to do. It only sounds easy. For some the act of receiving brings on many negative feelings... that being mostly of guilt.

In some peoples lives, the act of giving to oneself... IE... taking a few hours of a Saturday or Sunday and actually NOT doing any chores around the house. Maybe taking those hours to lay on the couch or out by the pool with no work involved at all is never an option. They are programmed or even made to feel that they MUST always be "doing" something. Guilt then becomes something that is associated with receiving or the "giving" to oneself.

So, as I said before... while my words may sound very easy in reality they are not. For some, it is near impossible....The mind is where all sensuality and sexuality are kept, stored and rationalized.

It's Okay to do "nothing". In reality you most assuredly are doing much. Regenerating your energies, relaxing your spirit, allowing yourself time to reflect and let go of what ever came before, to empty out the caverns of your mind and rearrange and regroup. These are all essential functions that are just as important to our mental well-being as is food to our survival.

When this basic survival need is stripped from us it does affect your entire world. Everything trickles down and around. Everything you lack in your life will eventually affect those things that you have. Though the more you lack the more what ever positive things in your life will turn negative. It is a cycle. As is all of life. One thing feeds off of the other and so on and so on creating the very energy that is "you".

The key to growing a positive cycle I believe starts with oneself. Though what I say might also be the complete breakdown of whatever is left of a relationship. Because when people in a marriage to do not grow together in or at the very least grow openly and with the full support of the other one it will probably cause a deeper separation. So take what I say to heart and with much insightful thought.

The next time you want to just lay down on the couch and read a book or watch TV. The next time you want to just take a drive that does not involve a task, or you want to lay by the pool without having to vacuum it...... DO IT!!!!

Learning to give to yourself is not something that is a luxury. It is not a gift or something to be held as a gift or a reward. It is a basic human need. It is the revitalization of your spirit and your positive energy. When you can do this without feeling guilt from yourself and from the others around you, you will begin to understand that it is completely possible to receive guilt-free.

It is then and only then when the positive cycle will begin to be created. It will slowly replace the negative connotation associated with taking the time out for yourself. As you begin to experience this it will amaze you how the ones around you will also begin to see and feel the difference. That when your spirit is positively charged it changes the entire energy of the space you are in and those around you are in. It will then trickle into every one's world.

This all takes time. None of this happens over night. In fact, I'd venture a guess and say that at first it will create an even more negative space for you. As the ones around will resent this simply because they are not accustomed to it. The idea that you are "lazy" or that you "do nothing" is a very very common reaction. This is something that will take time. As you will generally then feel the "guilt" that is laid upon you. This is sort of a comfort zone that you will have to break out of. As we all know, even if something is negative we tend to stay in it because it is something we know and are comfortable with. Change is scary. Even when it's based on the end result being very positive for everyone.

Back to the 'need for touch', this is still just as important. When there is a lack of intimacy in ones life then you MUST give to yourself that which you have the ability to give. No one can make you feel anything. You choose to feel and to let in and embrace every emotion that you have. That being said, it is my contention that you also have the ability to change that and to allow some new ones in.

Create your positive cycle.

Just Friends - Marriage without Intimacy

2008-06-01T14:08:00.003-04:00

What qualifies me to write about the intimacy that goes on between a Man and a woman within their own marriage. Quite frankly, nothing. Though I do qualify to write on what I've learned from years of truly listening. Instead of the usual, "waiting for him to get done talking so that I can". I can say this without reservation and without judgement simply because I was in the same exact boat seemingly without an oar! Not only didn't I have an oar, I was without a compass and direction. We simply get married, have children, work, raise kids, clean the house, get promoted, mow the lawn.

We never thought we had to work on our marriage. After all, everything was running like a well-oiled machine. When there was a kink, we fixed it. But what really happened was the exact opposite. We assumed our marriage was good because the kids were happy, the lawn was green, we got a promotion at work. After all, we never fought, we never yelled, we never negated the responsibilities we took on in the marriage. We never forgot about the kids, the yard work, the home works. We never forgot what night and time American Idol or Law and Order was on. We remembered a lot of things. The only thing we really forgot about was intimacy and the passion in our own bed. We even kidded ourselves into truly believing that although this passion was almost non-existent that we were "friends". That everything else was good except the lack of passion and intimacy. "Well, he is a great provider and a great father", "Well, she is a great mom and she takes care of everything we need". "We are friends." Somehow, we have made ourselves believe that this is enough. That passion can fall to the wayside and not be counted as important anymore. We seemed to actually almost talk ourselves into believing that those other things cancelled out the need for intimacy.

I say, almost because NOTHING can ever replace the passion that everyone needs that only comes from desire, lust, love and need. Friendship without passion can not ever sustain a healthy marriage. I say "healthy" because it can sustain a marriage for years and years but it certainly is not in top form health-wise. We get along all day long. We laugh at each other's jokes, we entertain and have a great time complimenting one another. We go on great vacations. We agree on many things. The only thing we don't do is talk. Truly talk. Talk about the stress and tension that getting into bed every night together feels like. Talk about the times it's just easier to fall asleep on the couch to avoid the entire situation.

What's really going on here? It's not really about sex though sex is what is missing. It's not really about friendship though we think we are friends. It is about what's missing from him, from her, from ourselves. Somewhere along the line, some where in between getting up to warm bottles at night, little league baseball, dance lessons and homework, we forgot that we are a man and a woman. "Why doesn't she like sex anymore"? "Why can't he ever touch me without it being Sexual"? We are parents, we are a couple and we are individuals.

This is the first part in the Series, "Intimacy". I will delve into some of the thought processes that may be going on within a marriage based on years of listening to men and women and on my own intuition. I will talk about the Single man or woman who find it almost impossible to commit to more than a few dates. And to those who simply do not know how to allow intimacy into their life. Your mature and positive feedback is always welcome and encouraged. The only way to learn, is to listen.

"Heart Chakra" Part 2

2008-04-24T17:53:00.002-04:00

****** Robert's Response & Questions *******

hello Robert... thank you for writing!!

I want you to understand that I truly DO understand what you are saying.. But I want you to give something some thought before you make decisions on what you believe you will feel.. I offer to you another perspective.

First and foremost... Robert.. if you call me for a session you say to me..

How can you let me go.. how can you give.. how can I give in such an intimate way and it not have a profoundly negative effect of missing.. and of grieving that loss.

This is exactly how..and I want you to think about this ......... You are calling me for a specific reason... because you are in need and you somehow found my website ..and my words..and somehow my presence and emotions came through to you enough for you to want to meet me for what I described on my site. So ... You call me... I know nothing about you before this..and you know nothing about me before this.. But yet, we both are in that room together open to the idea that within a few moments we will share some extremely intimate time together.

You have jumped now leaps and bounds ahead of what it would normally take to get to such an intimate position with another human being. You know nothing about me other than what you read. You can not miss that which you do not know. But you will experience such profound loving and tenderness nonetheless. And not only that, so will I. But what you do when you leave that room I have no idea about. I do not know your thoughts, your past, your dreams, your hesitations, your fears, your happiness. You do not give me that which is YOU. Just as you know nothing that will happen or has happened before or after we are together. You come to me to receive something .. To feel something... But you do not come to me to fall in love with. You are by-passing all that it takes to fall in love and we are stealing emotions meant for another time and place.

Because we have no past, we have no future allows us to have such a pure energy exchange... there is nothing in the way... nothing to over come.. nothing to talk about...So I say to you, Robert. How can you tell me that you would fall in love with me after a two hour session and truly expect me to believe that. You do not know me to love. But not to dismiss what it is you are feeling. Because it is very real. As real for you as it is for me. You love what I can bring out in us. You love the loving with abandon.

Robert,,, Your heart will not break upon walking out of the door. You will feel exactly the opposite. You will feel full and quite happy. Your heart will feel light... Your smile will be real and you will not feel anything that even comes close to "missing" me. You will be ever so thankful that you might have found someone that can give to you that which would take many months or even years to achieve with someone.

I will truly believe your heart would break upon me walking out the door if you actually had a relationship with me. Was with me during all times of my life. Experiencing my entire world with my invitation to join it. And with your invitation for me to join yours. If that was the case, when I did walk out the door, you would know that I was going to be with you in every other capacity, like the loss you are going through now with your divorce that is what you feel. That is the loss. Not the 2 hour love-making.. But the life spent together! We simply have no memories to miss ... We only have what we just created..and if you walked out the door with a sadness about that I would be utterly shocked. In fact, I'm willing to bet that you wouldn't feel what you think you will.

Please think about this because I believe it's very important. You are talking about something entirely different and intertwining it with having an extremely sensual time with a woman who you found on the Internet who shares and can bring out the very best in both of us for a few hours with the emotions that can ONLY come from a relationship that extends way beyond that of a two hour sensual massage. I'm not making light of what I do, Robert, but you have to understand the lines that are drawn just by the very fact of your calling me. After all, you are not calling me for a night out to dinner to get to know me. You are calling me because you wish to feel that which comes months and years after that initial dinner. I'm very aware of that fact and do not confuse it for anything else. What I do is take full advantage of it. I absolutely devour every second that we are together knowing full well that I will have no idea what you do or who you date after you walk out of the door. I didn't know what you did before that session and I do not know what you will do after it. We do not share that with each other. That is not why you called me. It will not concern you what I'm doing or with whom when you are not around. In fact, you will cherish the fact that you don't know and that you are not accountable to me. Because if that was the case it would be a much more complicated situation and it would never come close to what we are to each other. You will not worry what I'm doing or who I'm doing it with, you will only have a wonderful memory of a time that is unique and look forward to the day we might meet again or just put it away and savor it as a very special memory.

You Wrote:

because for me, it is about JoAnne and Robert

This is NOT about US as a couple Robert. This is about US for a few hours. There is just no way I can believe it is any other way having never saw you before, having no knowledge of your life outside of the walls we are in at that time. You will not "fall in love" with me. You will, however fall in love with the knowledge that you can feel outside of the box! More intensely than you even think. That you will fall in love with the idea that there is a person with whom you can share such intimacy with without any outside influences. You are NOT coming to me to be your girlfriend, Robert. We both know that. So, with this being said, please keep this in perspective and give it some thought.

If you would have found me in any other capacity Robert, we wouldn't even kiss on the first date! Nor would you ever know the spirituality that resides deep within me. That my dear Robert would take much time to share with you.

So you see, this "stealing of time", is something that I take advantage of too. Not just you!

You Wrote:

The more I think about it, the more I believe that if we shared this spiritual experience, that I am going to want you to be "mine". Shallow and possessive? Maybe. A reality, nonetheless?Definitely.

I know this is NOT a reality. Robert, you might not like what I like on TV. You might not like the way I brush my hair. You might not like my laugh or the way I drive. You know NOTHING about me enough to say you'd want me to be "yours". You only know you love ONE thing about me. Trust me when I say this, I'm just as complicated as any other woman. And for you to make that descision without knowing me only tells me that you are in great need at this time of your life. That your need is not that of a spiritual entire oneness, but to feel that which you HAD with someone. That which took many years and trials and tribulations to create. This is what I offer to you. I offer to you the notion that you can and will by-pass years of getting to know someone and allowing you to tap into my energy with no work or effort before hand.

You Wrote:

I mean, JoAnne,when EVERYONE is "special", how is anybody, really special?

Oh my, Robert, how is anyone NOT special. I can not fathom the notion that when you call me and trust me that you are NOT special. YOU ARE! You are special in what you give to me in this moment in time. Nothing more.. nothing less. I hope this makes sense to you because I truly hope you think I'm just as special in this moment in time.

You Wrote:

Don't you ever want someone, a man, a woman, to love you so deeply, just, and Exactly for,who you as an individual are?

A Resounding YES, YES, YES to that question. But because you know nothing about me other than what you are reading in my site and because you never wanted to take the time to know me.. ( you found my site and are calling for a reason) You will never know the answer to that question. You are assuming that I do not have that in my life now. You are assuming that because you do not know me. LOL .. I know I keep repeating myself here but I'm just trying to stress the very core of who WE are to one another.

Robert and JoAnne. Are two separate people who come together in some capacity as strong as ying is to yang. We didn't meet because you answered a dating site ad.

Love who we are Robert, at this moment in time. I do!!!

Heart Chakra

2008-04-24T08:54:00.009-04:00

Dear Robert.. Thank you for writing... and I sincerely hope that we do get to meet one day.. how wonderful that would be!

I want to answer some of your questions because they are very very justified questions. And I am putting them on my blog because I believe they are so justified that they might even be on the mind's of other people who happen to glaze over my site and my thoughts. I hope you don't mind.

You wrote:

I can understand that you do not know of anyone else doing this type of work. I cannot imagine that many people would have what it takes to keep their heart chakra open on demand. JoAnne, if you are able to create the experience that you describe, it is a very special gift that you have. Usually, this is available only to lovers. It is intriguing to me how you can allow that sort of energetic connection, and then just walk away. Doesn't your heart break a little some of the time? Don't you run into people that are not on the same vibe as you, and doesn't that make it very difficult for you to create the experience for them?

I never really thought of it as "keeping my heart chakra open on demand" but I supposed if I believed in chakras and to someone who does.. then that is exactly what I'm doing. I truly do appreciate though the word "gift" .. because that is truly what I believe it is.. Nothing more.. nothing less. I don't really understand Chakras.. I do have a book on them but honestly have never read it. When I first started my sensual massage I didn't even know the names "tantra" "esalen" "kazerra" "chakra" .... Robert, All I did was what came natural to me. What I've always done and and what I've always loved. Inside of a relationship or not. That being... To give of myself freely and without judgement. This is something that is not new to me. What is new, however, is the ability to name it all and to put slight "labels" on it. Honestly, I did that for my readers .. not for myself.

I've learned through the years through and through experience listening to other people with true intent to learn someone. Not through words.. but through energy. Energy speaks volumes. Words are for the most part, 'words'. Most people, including myself, go through daily life on a scripted basis or, if you will, a menu. We go to work, we go to dinner, we go home, we do all the little things in between that. Most of these things now take no real thought process. We sort of become a nation of people on automatic pilot. How many times have you said... "wow, this day just flew by" Most of the time when you say that if you tried to even remember what you did at mid day you would have a hard time bringing that memory back. Automatic Pilot.

You Wrote:

I cannot imagine that many people would have what it takes to keep their heart chakra open on demand.

I like this sentence only because it made me feel good. *smile*

I don't believe my heart Chakra is something that I have to open on demand. Or because I'm in a session, Robert. I truly believe it never closes. I don't want you to think that I go through 365 days a year in a "giving" mode without my own life issues. I want to make that very clear. I have my own issues in life and things that cause me stress. I'm just like anyone else! I get road rage sometimes, I get annoyed and I experience anger. I don't want you or anyone to think that I'm somehow beyond all of that. I certainly am not.

My question to you then becomes this. How can my heart not be so gratefully open and loving when someone who has only read my words on a website trust me then to meet. How can one's heart not open to that. I'm not opening it up on "demand" Robert. I'm opening it up because it was provoked open by the very trust that you have put in me just by writing me a letter!!!! How can I not feel that beauty. This "heart chakra" is not something I open and close, open and close on demand. Certainly it is always Pried open by someone. Might it be then that I see such beauty in things that people at times might over-look? Even you were surprised (as you said in your second letter to me) that I even took the time to respond to you. How can I not, is the real question. I was moved... my heart chakra was opened by you.... NOT by me!!

This is the ONLY way in which I can understand and reply to your questions. I simply do not know how it can be any other way.

You Wrote:

It is intriguing to me how you can allow that sort of energetic connection, and then just walk away. Doesn't your heart break a little some of the time? Don't you run into people that are not on the same vibe as you, and doesn't that make it very difficult for you to create the experience for them?

It is so easy to "just walk away" Robert. Walking away is not what you might think it is. From reading what you are saying you feel that by my walking away I am losing something or even walking away empty and unfulfilled. To create such an energetic connection is utterly amazing and so fulfilling!! To walk away is the way it has to be. I feel like this. For two hours we shut off Automatic Pilot. We disengage from our "real" world and fly without direction and with pure abandon. Throw down the Map!! Shut off your Cell Phone, no GPS will follow you into our space!!!! I use this time as much as someone who comes to me! This is NOT one sided! Then my question becomes.. Robert, how do you walk away from me? How will your heart not break walking away from me? Your heart chakra will be just as exposed and opened as mine. You somehow have concluded that at the end is some kind of negative experience. NEVER have I even come close to feeling what you described. I'm going to be bold and venture to guess that not one of my clients have either. In fact, walking away was quite pleasurable for both. The hug at the beginning of a session and the hug at the end are two very different encounters! The latter being much more intimate and with pure "positive" energy as a basis. My heart is abundantly full at the end and is in no way, shape or form remotely close to anything resembling "breaking".

Yes, I do run into people who are not on the same vibe as me every single time I meet someone. No one can be on the same vibe ever with a stranger and upon meeting them for the first time. But what is true is that they are "willing" to become on the same vibe as I am and allowing me to bring them there :)

Everyone is different, Robert. No one reacts the same. Every one's automatic pilot is set differently. My goal is to find that level and to break through it. So you say how do I "create" the experience. I think you have to understand that I am not "creating" anything that isn't given to me. I'm not going by a menu that I have to make a person adhere to. This is about you, your reactions. What I do is based on that. You "create" the scene, not me. I'm simply a lightning rod if you will. I take in what you give me and I ground it and then disperse it evenly in you and in me. I combine that which you give me and that which is me with you. This is not something that can be created by me alone.

Yes, there are times when someone just can't let go enough to fully feel the true exchange of energy that I know is amazingly real and beyond that which is an every day occurrence. But that doesn't mean the session is less than that of one who let's go more. It is what it is. It is exactly what that person needs because it is guided by them. That is what makes it is utterly unique. Creating is never hard for me, or to exchange energy is never something that is difficult for me. I'm truly honored that someone is trusting me enough to take things from them which completely bust through their automatic pilot and trust me enough to take the wheel for just a few hours.

Robert, The true Gift is that your heart chakra can open, as you say, "on demand".

The "Circle"

2008-03-27T08:10:00.002-04:00

From a Reader

I just walked by this beautiful woman today. I do not know if it was pheromones or what, but i felt great. I told her what I was thinking. She is married and we work together so i was just wondering how i could bottle that energy. And, I lost your web site. Please write me back.

****my response****

You don't have to bottle anything, my friend.

You already have it inside of you.. You ARE the bottle!!!! When you feel something positive and you generate it inside of yourself and then transfer it to someone or everyone around there is no doubt in my mind that you created a positive circle.
I know you believe that you told a woman she was beautiful because it was your hormones, testosterone talking and guiding and you and while that may be correct, I'm sure you used the utmost respect when you told her how you felt at the very moment in time. What you did was tell her how she made you feel. That something about her made you feel good. In turn, you told her and expressed to her back that positive energy she was giving out. Thus, the Circle.
You see, Patrick, it doesn't matter how big or how small your giving is.
All that matters is that you gave it.

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T09:00:00.002-04:00

Eliot Spitzer Scandal

2008-03-10T18:13:00.005-04:00

He should have just called for a Sensual Massage!!!!!!!!!!

In all seriousness, this is a case that is all so common that we the public have sort of half expect to happen and we are not surprised. Let's remember our President Clinton. Same situation, different woman. It's all relative and it's all never going to stop happening. This is a situation that is as old as is the population of the earth.

The men who criticize a man whose situation is made public are most likely glad they are not the one who got caught. Though I'd bet my last dollar that they have all done something which could be just as criticized. You might say, well, our public figures should remain at a higher standard than that of the basic male instinct! That's ridiculous.

Though that is not say that his judgement was very poor. I believe beyond that of what any instincts may come hard wired to us that the decision making process should be based then on the situation you are in. If you are a high profile part of society than you will be under more scrutiny than someone who is not. Common Sense should never be used sparingly!

This is a situation that will never go away because quite simply and basically stated, it is human nature, more importantly it is Male Nature! Then you may argue the fact that he is married. True, he is. Yet, it is MY contention that marriage is not the natural state of Mankind! Men and woman are not meant to be coupled with one person their entire life. Period!

What I read about in today's headlines and what I read about in Yesterdays History Books has not changed one bit. This went on yesterday, it goes on today and will continue to go on tomorrow!

"Those who live in Glass Houses should not throw Stones"

More coverage:

New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, center, speaks with reporters after addressing the Community Health Care Association of New York State in Albany, N.Y. Monday, March 3, 2008. (AP Photo / March 10, 2008)
Photos

Gov. Eliot Spitzer
Poll: What's next for Spitzer?
What should Eliot Spitzer do?He has to resign. Apologize and move on.
View current results

March 10, 2008
Spitzer apologizes after report of link to prostitution ring
Gov. Eliot Spitzer is widely expected to quit the post he has held for just over a year after being identified as a client of a prostitution ring.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T08:38:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone

Naughtiness Part 2

2008-02-13T20:19:00.007-05:00

Sometimes it's not love that is missing from a long term marriage or that feeling of being "in love", but rather the excitement and the breaking of normal routines that is missing.

This is exactly what motivates me in a Couples Massage Session. That is a huge subject I'll talk about at another time. Suffice it to say that being a bit "naughty" now and again is the spice that adds just a small kick into any relationship.

I absolutely love the "popcorn in the movie theatre" session that is written about in Naughtiness Post. That's a great way to spend an afternoon that was otherwise just an ordinary day at the movies! Bravo!!!

I think that when any one person takes the time and thought to making something enjoyable and memorable for their partner that that is so extremely passionate. Putting that sort of passion into a relationship will keep it new and exciting. Not only will your partner love that you planned something, but you enjoy the planning of it. It's a win win situation. There are so many ways to go about this. It need not be something huge and intricate. It can be as small as a note left in drawer that they open at 5am when they're getting ready for a long day at work. A small note that tells them you were thinking about them. You have no idea how far something like that goes into making the entire rest of the day spectacular.

I remember something I did along those lines. Now, I have to tell you something about me that you may not have noticed before. Because much of my writing here is pretty serious and deep. But trust me, I have a very playful side. Maybe too much sometimes! I think even the word "brat" came up a few times. :::: sly smile ::::

Anyway, my boyfriend (we lived together at the time) always got up very early for work. Way before I had to get up. He was, well let me put it this way, NOT a morning person. So, me being me, I had to take full advantage of that fact. Because you can't be grumpy on my watch, I decided that getting dressed in the morning was getting pretty boring for him. He did much of it in the dark as to not wake me. But of course, I was usually awake anyway listening to his grunts and groans.

Before I went to bed that night I was putting away clothes that I had washed. While putting away his socks I realized that this man had a million pairs of socks!! How many pairs of socks does one man need anyway? Now to explain the socks: When you first move in with someone you know how you have to get used to their "ways"? Well, one thing I noticed right away was that he didn't like his socks paired up. He liked them all seperated in the draw. Imagine, all those socks alone?? That was my thought anway. I believed all of my life that socks came in pairs and that is what the socks liked!!! So that night as I was putting away is unpaired socks I decided it was time those socks were in the pairs they were born to be in! So yes, you guessed it, not only did I pair up the socks but I paired them all with eachother. Tied every single sock to another sock. It was a sock fiesta line!!!! That took a long time too. A million socks is no joking matter!

Back to 5am when it was time for my darling to get dressed. I knew he was standing there in a towel because I heard the all too familiar grunts and groans of his morning routine. Only this time I was getting slightly nervous. The night before it seemed like such a good idea but now I was having second thoughts. Oh boy. The more nervous I got the more excited I got. Now that was a BONUS!!!! No idea that was gonna happen.

I knew the sock drawer was going to open next and I sorta moved around and covered my head. I was absolutely positive now that I should NOT have tied every single sock together. I heard him rumaging through the drawer and then I heard, "what the f***". That was all I needed to hear to start laughing. While still completely under the covers I imagined him pulling out the never ending sock line with this goofy face trying to figure out what was going on.

Click, on goes the light. That was it, I was hysterical by now. He tried so hard to be mad. I have to give him credit for that. But as soon as he heard me laughing he ripped the covers off of me so hard they completely exposed my entire naked body. And of course, I gasped and tried to cover up. Well, he wouldn't have that. Needless to say that was probably one of the most fun mornings I can remember.

I love being naughty and I do have a very crafty mind. There are quite a few things I've done and by the same token there are quite a few naughty things that were done for me. I guess the point is that when you take the time to think of your partner every so often outside of the box that the times you are in the box are just a little bit better.

Naughtiness

2008-02-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

Dear "dream"

I had some moments in the last few days where images of "naughtiness" came to mind. Some of these were real events which have happened in my life and some was just pure fantasy. I would be curious to what you or your readers might think on what comes to mind when we think of what it means to be "naughty". I would much rather BE naughty than to talk about it, but I’ll give it a shot.

The word can be imagined a number of different ways, but I’ll speak to it in what it means to me. Naughtiness (sensually speaking) is the twinge of excitement we get when we venture outside of boundaries of what is normally proper behavior for us. There is a real value in being appropriate most of the time. Being appropriate shows respect for others and helps to keep the focus off our desire for attention. The norms most of us live under are not bad. But.....over time the normalcy of life begins to box us in as we wonder and even desire for little glimpses outside the box. We begin to want to experience new feelings which excite because they are new and present a side of ourselves which is not confined by simply what is expected by others.

If we want to experience these feelings too often then they become addicting. We then start wanting a thrill for the sake of thrill and eventually each thrill has to top the other one to keep us going. I’m not talking about that kind of naughtiness. I’m attracted to kind of naughtiness which, on occasion, reorients me in who I am to the other person. Being sensually naughty with my woman is more than just introducing the "different", it is more about confirming the notion that "there are parts of me that are unknown to you and each little display of naughtiness invites you deeper into my story".

I ask your readers: can you think of a time when you were naughty and how was that experience for you?

I’ll give some examples from my own experience. When I was married, my wife and I went to the movies. I was feeling a little mischievous so I decided to risk a little naughtiness. I went to the concession stand and bought a large container of popcorn. It was one of those containers that look like a small megaphone. I poked a hole in the bottom of the container and moved back to my seat. The movie previews had started and the theater lights were out. I sat down and through a long and subtle chain of events, unzipped my pants and took out my penis (erect at this point) and put it through the hole in the bottom of the container. Obviously, by this point the popcorn was going no further than my lap. My wife and I alternated handfuls of popcorn as we watched the screen. I found this whole scenario to be exciting and maintained my erection as more and more popcorn was being eaten. Eventually one of her grabs for popcorn revealed an unexpected surprise. Being that this was unexpected, at first she felt around in a kind of wondering, "what the heck is this?". But it didn’t take long for her to get the point (or the head, rather...). She smiled but kept looking forward at the screen as she joined in the game. Her hand in the popcorn box turned out to be a very "stimulating" experience for me as she manipulated me to orgasm. The eating of the remaining popcorn by both of us also contributed to the naughtiness of the whole situation. This particular episode never occurred again, but I remember just how freeing and thrilling it was.

One other occasion comes to mind. My birthday was coming up and I asked my wife to not buy me a birthday present, but just grant me one indulgence for the day. She was a little leery but I assured her that I wouldn’t asked for something which she couldn’t reasonably handle. Since my birthday that year was on a Saturday, we both had the day off. I dropped the kids off at the in-laws for the day. With my wife and I at home, I said that what I wanted for my birthday was a "nudie day". The rules were that we both had to be nude the entire day....no exceptions. Everything we did and everyplace we went had to be in the buff. She gave a little roll of the eyes, but agreed to carry through on her promise to indulge me for my birthday. We stripped and both began to carry out some of the normal weekend tasks that we did on Saturday’s. The sexual tension all this created was phenomenal. We cooked, ate, and even in the afternoon ventured outside on the patio and soaked up some sun together (our place had some privacy from the neighbors). All day we would sneak little touches and kisses as we enjoyed each others company. We exchanged massages with one another and enjoyed each other’s bodies. The real thrill of the day though, was the naughtiness of being naked all day together. Images of it remains for me to this day.

What I am describing here piggybacks on the subject of play, but there is this added dimension of experiencing the excitement of being "slightly inappropriate". I would like to hear what others have to say about naughtiness and how it is active or missing in their lives.

******I'd love to hear other responses to this other than my own****

***my response***

Play

2008-01-28T08:47:00.000-05:00

I would like to share some words on play....and.....hopefully....do it “playfully”. It just seems out of whack to get too serious and philosophical on something which is more born of the child in us than the learned adult. I learned about play from one of the real masters.....my dog Phil. In the play hall of fame, Phil has at least a paw print if not a life size statue. Phil could go from being a lazy slug lounging next to the heater to all out play in one nanosecond. Phil lived for the words, “where’s your ball?”. So simple but so profound. Secretly Phil told me that he modeled his life on the F.E.T.C.H. principle...Find Every Thing Calling you Home. I asked Phil to explain that philosophy to me, but when I did he just looked at me like I had two heads. I guess for Phil it was so obvious that he couldn’t understand the human need to explain it. Besides, Phil never mastered speaking in complete sentences anyway.

More on Phil in a moment, but in my observation, play has become WAY too complicated. The spontaneity of play has been replaced by play having to be a planned event. We think we really get our “play” act together when we go on that ski trip, family holiday, the kid’s ball game, or wherever we’ve scheduled on the calender. There’s nothing wrong with some down time, but play has to be a way of life and not an event to be scheduled. Some of the best memories I have as a child involved non-planned encounters with neighbors and friends. We made up play as we went along. We didn’t need our parents to get us in a ball league. We simply got a bat and ball and went up to the school and played ball. Every bush and wall in a two block area was fair game for the game de jour. No one had to tell us how to play...we just played. And in the play, we grew up. We had to learn cooperation, fairness, inclusively, communication and many others things which we took for granted.

What this offered for me, without me even knowing it, was play became a binding agent for life as a grown up. It became the mortar for the stone and brick which made up my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the same class as Phil in the play department, but I must say, in reflecting on what life has been up to this point, I find that I’m the most open and vulnerable when there’s a playful undertone to my endeavors. I can and do screw it up just like everyone else, but when we’re all running the gun lap of our lives (or, in your case with your car racing, “taking the white flag”) I don’t think we’ll be saying, “I wish I would have spent more time achieving my goals”....but rather, “I wish I would have relaxed and let go and just enjoyed the everyday circumstances of my life”. Real enjoyment of anything has a playful quality about it.

Bringing this into the sensual sphere of things, in what I gather from "dream" in her experiences and words on this website, what naturally constitutes us as men and women (sensually speaking) is our ability to offer our bodies and will in unscripted play. On her website "dream" cautions taking other people’s experience with her and expecting similar things to happen. In one instance she speaks about prostate massage and it’s value but says that she will only endeavor to explore (play) to the extent of what the other person offers in terms of their openness, fears, boundaries, etc. Real play is disarming. It breaks down walls and barriers. Sensual exploration essentially is sensual play - taking subtle cues from the presentation of our true selves in order to combine enjoyment with personal growth in playing in a new way....for real play is always unrehearsed and fresh. And without even recognizing it, there is movement in our lives.....uncontrolled movement in the direction of wholeness and sensitivity.

I believe there are some limitations to this in the fact that "dream" asks the other person to be passive and trust in what she has to give. Play then, is at her initiation. My sense is that mutual play begins at some point during the session when she opens the doors necessary for this to happen (if, in fact, it does happen....nothing is a given). Perhaps, "dream" you can speak to this and clarify it more in her comments to this piece.

Play is a formed attitude over time which predisposes a person to see the humor and invitation for surrender in most any circumstance. I offer a true story to illustrate this. Years ago, I was in an important meeting in a boardroom where those of us gathered (about 20 people) were assembled to make some very important decisions which were going to have some far reaching consequences. The meeting was an all day event. The tension and seriousness of it all was draining us all. We had reached an impasse on some items on the agenda. We just couldn’t make a breakthrough. In the afternoon, the chairman of the meeting leaned too far back in his chair (a low back chair much like many have at their desk if the work, say, in a cubicle) in an attempt to stretch his torso. To the shock and amazement of all gathered he accidentally flipped over and did a backward roll as he was launched out of his chair. For a split second all gasped and said nothing. But I couldn’t control myself and burst out laughing (sensing of course, that he was not injured). Everyone then let loose in uproarious laughter...even the victim of the unintentional stunt. It was a breakthrough moment. The tension in the room deflated. Out of it, we were able to make quick progress on the issues which were previously stymieing us.

As my dog Phil knew all too well, play is an essential, non-negotiable element of being fully alive. It took me years to understand the F.E.T.C.H. principle which Phil so masterfully lived. I discovered that play was essential element for finding what was my true home. Home was ultimately my true and authentic self. Play, laughter and humor brought me back to my center, my home. In the world of sensual exploration, the more I am able to just go with the impulse of play, the more I find what eludes me. I’m not always fully in that space, but when I’m surrendered enough, play just happens without effort. It’s enjoyment at its finest.

Phil died at the tender age of nine (too much rooting through garbage and drinking out of the toilet, I think). I will never be able to match Phil’s mastery of playing FETCH, but he set me on the right path. May we all fetch what we need for the next step our journey.

Jeff

******my response******

Dear Jeff,

First, I'm sorry about Phil's untimely death. ::Hugs::

F.E.T.C.H. What a wonderful philosophy. Your take on "play" is so astute and because you don't know me in person and never have had a session with me, I find that you use that word even more intriquing.

I say this in almost every single Massage Session. "Just five more minutes, I want to Play more." Sometimes I can see the reaction I get when I say this. It's some of amusement that I actually said the word play and then actually even back it up. And even more importantly that I'm enjoying it! Most men are taken back when I say this. It's such an uncommon thing to hear, I'm assuming, inside of an intimate encounter. But the fact is this. I AM playing, and sometimes I want more time. As I said on many occassion, I give what I need and like! Play is the basis for everything! I would love to see the face of someone who knows me and is reading this right now. I'd love to see the slight smile that might fall across his face when he thinks back and remembers the time I asked for a few minutes because I was playing.

I think the reaction to this is a basic one when you relate it to all of life, Jeff. Because you and I may have a certain definition of life and our every day daily existence does not mean that everyone does. So this must always be taken into consideration. For the most part, the people who read my site identify with what they are reading not because it's a familiar to them but because it's foreign to them. It is NOT in their life on a daily basis but is thought of and truly missed.

You said;

On her website, "dream", cautions taking other people’s experience with her and expecting similar things to happen. In one instance she speaks about prostate massage and it’s value but says that she will only endeavor to explore (play) to the extent of what the other person offers in terms of their openness, fears, boundaries, etc. Real play is disarming. It breaks down walls and barriers. Sensual exploration essentially is sensual play - taking subtle cues from the presentation of our true selves in order to combine enjoyment with personal growth in playing in a new way....for real play is always unrehearsed and fresh.

Yes, I will never take other experiences from other situations and expect a duplication at any given time. That simply will not happen. I will go as far to say that even with the same person on a different day it will be different from the last time. That being simply because we as people are not the same every second of every day. Life throws us curves on a minute-to-minute basis and we as socialized beings adhere to these changes, adapt and move with them. This then dictates our moods and state of mind. Nothing is ever the same. It's always fresh. It's always new.

I want to discuss what you determine as "real play." There is no other way to "play" other than the way I described and other than what I do. You said that real play is not rehearsed and that essentially are wondering how it can be "real play" when I'm controlling it and only going as far as a person will let me go. Here's what I think you may be missing during this encounter you describe.

I can not put everyone into a lumped catagory as far as what I think they should be up to in within their realm of sensual exploration. I have no idea what a persons limitations are, what their fears are and where they may stem from. How their walls were built, when they were built and for how long they are there. I have no idea of their home life, the treatment they recieve at work, or when they walk in their doors at the end of the day. I have no idea what past influences have shaped their world. This could be abuse, neglect, fear, insecurities that I have no idea about. So for me to do anything other than what I do would be pyschologically wrong and may actually be hurtful. Escpecially when it comes to any kind of "play" where a person might have formed negative conotations throughout their lives. Prostate Massage is extreme for many pyschological reasons and I'm very sensitive and aware of that.

I assume NOTHING about a person. I allow them to tell me what they want me to know. You have to understand this is all happening within a 2 hour time span. For some people, Jeff, just making a phone call to me and talking to me is breaking down walls and can be very unnerving. For some, Jeff, just allowing me to hug them is something huge in their world. Just something as basic as that can be missing in a persons life for so very long that they may tremble from it. I'm very very astute and aware. There is not ONE sigh, movement, word or eye gesture that I miss.
Everything means something!!!!

This is, in fact, more real than you can imagine. On so many different levels. Someone must be in control, Jeff. Trust me when I say this. Every thing is unrehearsed. The only thing that is a fact in every single Session is that a person will NOT move at first for at least 30 to 40 minutes while I learn their body and mind and relax them enough to where they are infused and combined into one entity. This is essential.

You said;

I believe there are some limitations to this in the fact that "dream" asks the other person to be passive and trust in what she has to give. Play then, is at her initiation. My sense is that mutual play begins at some point during the session when she opens the doors necessary for this to happen (if, in fact, it does happen....nothing is a given). Perhaps, "dream" you can speak to this and clarify it more in your comments to this piece.

To have a person lay there and trust me goes back to what I just explained as far as getting to know someone's mind and body. This takes such a concentration and real effort. Because not only am I asking them to relax and allow me to explore what I need to explore in order to get their heads where I need them to be, I'm asking them to not move. This is extremely hard for some people. This in itself can be a huge wall. Because of what ever their home life and sexual/sensual life to just lay back and recieve from someone may be something they have never experienced. Their play has been based on their giving and for some this even creates a sense of guilt. Just enjoying and being explored and adored is something they have never experienced. Sometimes I actually have to gently force someone to lay still. To let go of the idea that they have to always be "doing" something. That to lay back and enjoy can actually be fulfilling to the person doing it. This is a very hard concept for some to understand. Especailly when they are the prime care givers in their outside relationship.

Someone must be in contol Jeff. That is a fact. You are definitely right about Mutual Play. Take nothing for granted, assume nothing. Because every session takes on a life of it's own. A person might walk in the door thinking and believing fully that they are going to have a full blown sex fest. When, after they relax and really let go they realize and I realize that this is exactly what they don't need. These people are generally the ones who when they let go to me, after 30 minutes they are actually unable to move. Because they have no idea that sensual exploration can go way beyond the every day sex fest they may be accustomed to in the past. And this happens, Jeff because they trusted me.

This is an important part of who I am that I think you may have just glazed over but I would like to reiterate so that it's fully understood with the degree of passion with which I state it. Mutual play happens the minute a person walks in the door and we smile at one another. There is NEVER one second of our time together when it's not mutual. Also as I have stated through out my writings. "I give that which I need."

Though our definition of mutual may be much different. I propose that your idea of what Mutual Play is or what you are implying here is but only a mere scratch on the surface of what is mutual. It is only the definition that lays on top of the sensual layers and of sensual exploration. I hope that made sense. Sometimes, I'm not sure if what I want to convey actually makes sense to anyone other than me.

Physical Nudity

2008-01-24T14:20:00.000-05:00

Howdy there.....

I'm up a little late here and thought I'd pass along some words concerning your comments on the subject of "hiddenness".

I had to laugh about your keen observation that most people who want to be nude all the time are usually most guarded when it comes to sharing themselves. I'll give a big ten four to that! I mentioned one time that I did the nudist thing for a couple of years. Thinking back, I am struck that many of those people always championed their cause for nudity and prided themselves on being so open and free. I could see right through the facade though. Nudity for them was a way to APPEAR open and self giving. Not to be overly judgemental there, but the nudist people I hung out with during that nudie period of my life where quite one dimensional in their lives. Beyond nudity, they were BORING....there was a real sense of self center under all the display of body parts.

You said, "I'm going to be so bold as to take this even one step further and tell you my thoughts on what is "hidden" and where it is as defined by me. I will save that for another topic post as it's its own entity in self and I want to concentrate on your words now". I can' help but wonder what personal sharing underlies your comments. I'll look forward to that entry......

You said, "When you can give that openness and complete devotion to another person's needs, when you can do this out of utter selflessness and when it's received that way it is then a true circle is created. When your "me, me, me" outlook dissipates and in it's place is created, "us, us, us." It's amazing how then your "me, me, me" is now founded on the actions you take that benefit a circle rather than two closed boxes. I hope this makes sense". ........... don't you think that at the epicenter of ourselves is a very human need to sacrifice ourselves to something which is greater than ourselves? And that some-thing can be a some-one. Real love is self sacrificing. In giving that love by choice in service to someone or something, we transcend ourselves. We live on a plane of human dignity which is way beyond the superficial day to day stuff fed to us through the media and the never ending trends which occupy us. Blessed is the one who finds the something or someone to apply themselves sacrificially. It is in giving up ourselves that we find ourselves.

Thanks for your words......I'm learning a lot from your honesty........

till next time.....Jeff

******my response******

I enjoy you too.. You are totally making me think even More outside the box... that's a great thing to provoke in anyone!

For the record, I should tell you that I've never went to a nudist colony nor am I ready for that! yikes! Not because of showing my nude body.. that in fact is easy. Why it's hard for me is because.. I feel that I'm already so wide open, Jeff. and I know this from just daily transactions with people under normal circumstances. I will explain more of this in the "walls" topic that i haven't written yet. but..... because my walls are so far down now for the general public there is a certain vulnerability that goes along with that. People can now just look at my face or eyes and know there is something that is a bit "different" with me. I'm not saying this because I'm guessing.. but this is the true feed back I get almost on a daily basis.. .. so for me to be physically nude for me.. is double exposure. Not sure I'm ready for that yet.. seeing as I wont hide behind any walls.. it will simply only add to my "nakedness".

You Said;

Don't you think that at the epicenter of ourselves is a very human need to sacrifice ourselves to something which is greater than ourselves

Yes!!!!!!! Of course I believe in that Jeff. I believe in that with all of my heart and soul. and what I give during a massage.. what I write about as far as what can be done in a short time with someone is exactly that.. But only a mere portion of who I can be and need to be!!!! .. Now most will put that sacrifice into our "God". But that to me .. unless you are living the life.. is the easy way out. To say . I have faith but to not live it is way too easy.. so let's just take the religious aspect out of the equation right now. But I know it's a real aspect and I respect it greatly. We'll keep our talks on the earthly realm.
To give of ourselves to another person is so hard and the reason it's so hard is because you can not give that which you do not have!!! In other words.. If you don't know yourself truly and honestly you can not give that to another person. .. Self-discovery is the key to a healthy mental life! In my opinion of course!

This is such a great topic! I can go into a my lifestyle choice that goes way beyond what is considered"normal" yet.. what I believe to be the very basic core of who we were meant to be....,.but I won't right now :)

yours.. me

"Hiddenness"

2008-01-21T17:46:00.000-05:00

The word that keeps coming to mind is “hiddenness”. We are a culture of the “obvious”. We see things linearly and rationally. We like sparkle and panache. There is this underlying assumption that what binds us together is our participation in what jolts our senses through what can be obviously seen or discerned. In the process, we miss what is REALLY worth seeing and what can truly feed this never ending desire for “more” which we have. It is the hidden.

As men we come from a conditioned orientation of what a woman is for us. We frame her based on our needs, our preferences, our biases and our projections. We see her through OUR lens rather than what she would objectively present to us. In an intimate encounter we want what we want out of a woman. But in doing so we are working cross purposes to what we really want and desire. We may think, “man, I would really like for her to go down on me tonight”. But in thinking that way, we reveal just how selfish and one dimensional we are. It’s not that we as men can’t have preferences and needs, but what we THINK are our needs isn’t our need at all. In scripting our intimacy we lose out on so much.

I would propose that what is hidden in the sexual encounter is the treasure that we’re ultimately after. It’s always what is hidden and not yet revealed which captures our imaginations and ultimately our hearts. A picture of woman who is provocatively dressed is much more exciting than a total nude. We wonder and anticipate that which is partially hidden. If it does not feed our sense of wanting to know more, we get bored with it. In taking this one step further, if my woman is totally nude before me, I know that she is not fully yet revealed in what underlies her nudity. Her body and mannerisms become gateways into what is hidden beyond that which I can in this moment sense.

I believe there are wellsprings of untapped sensual energy and life giving spirit in knowing and being open to the “not yet revealed” when being intimate with a woman. Our preconceived notion of what constitutes what will satisfy us is most often as wrong as it is self centered. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not proposing some modern feminist point of view that negates our manhood for the sake of stuffing what is to be a man in order to comply with some politically correct notion of intimacy......oh no no no. While I believe that fulfilling intimacy is one of mutuality, that mutuality is had by bracketing our perceived inclinations in order to wait on a more mysterious and wonder producing revelation which awaits us.....if we are only knowledgeable and patient in waiting for it to be revealed.

I think what replaces true sensuality is a kind of “this is what I want, now what do you want and let’s see if we can give it to each other”. This is the totally wrong mind set. It says, I am ME and you are YOU and let’s negotiate this so we each as separate people can get what WE want. What would it look like if we engaged each other in not want we WANT but rather, what we ARE. I mean what we really are....in all that we bring to each other. ..our shyness, our fears, our joy, our uniqueness, our wisdom, our strengths, our vulnerability. Perhaps we can get beyond this unspoken idea of whether we are truly enough for each other. Because in having this question in the back of our minds we gauge what is “enough” without really knowing what it is we are truly seeking in the first place.

Modern living, it seems to me, fears surprises. We don’t like to go to a restaurant or to a store which is unknown to us. We don’t want an experience any less than what we’re expecting. We go to places which are familiar so we are not surprised. We get what we’ve gotten before because it’s known and is adequate. We do the same with our sex lives. Can we give up wanting mountaintop genital orgasms for the sake of an orgasm which transcends our genitals and engages the whole body as well as the inner spirit of being human? Again, I realize that every sexual act does not have to be a cosmic consciousness raising, but rare is it that we sail our ships in these kinds of waters.

What we don’t know about the other person is what will give us life. It is in what is hidden that we find the touchstones for ever greater awareness of both ourselves and the other person. Do we sexually value this hiddenness? Are we open to it? If we are open to it, it will be revealed. If our cup is too full of what “has been”, our glass will never get filled with the new wine of mystery. Can we value the other person to sexually know and be known? ....or do we just always need it in the way that we’ve had it before?

Let us begin to know by not knowing. Let us sensually paint on a blank canvas. What will result will be a new vine ready to bear new and refreshing fruit in our lives.

Yours,Jeff

******My response******(coming soon, sorry for delay)

Dear Jeff,

The way your mind trails off on to so many different paths is so utterly refreshing!
This paragraph says this to me......

You said;

I would propose that what is hidden in the sexual encounter is the treasure that we’re ultimately after. It’s always what is hidden and not yet revealed which captures our imaginations and ultimately our hearts. A picture of woman who is provocatively dressed is much more exciting than a total nude. We wonder and anticipate that which is partially hidden. If it does not feed our sense of wanting to know more, we get bored with it. In taking this one step further, if my woman is totally nude before me, I know that she is not fully yet revealed in what underlies her nudity. Her body and mannerisms become gateways into what is hidden beyond that which I can in this moment sense.

To me, this means the old adage, "less is more." While I'm firm believer in that I also understand exactly what you said after that. Even when a person is physically nude there is a tremendous amount still "hidden" In fact, in some cases where a person has a genuine desire to be nude a great deal of the time, I have found that these people, though they have no problem revealing their bodies they have much more of a difficult time sharing themselves as opposed to people who are conservative in their dress, it is the opposite. Funny how that works. Not saying that that is the case all of the time. Just in my observations. And trust me, I observe everything!!

I'm going to be so bold as to take this even one step further and tell you my thoughts on what is "hidden" and where it is as defined by me. I will save that for another topic post as it's its own entity in self and I want to concentrate on your words now.

You said;

We see her through OUR lens rather than what she would objectively present to us. In an intimate encounter we want what we want out of a woman.

Definitely true!! We all want what we want out of another person. That is why we need one another so badly. That which we desperately need can ONLY be from another person. Of course a person can be happy and content and any other word you want to use to describe a person who is happy within them self but ultimately it is what another person gives us that we need for balance and completion. Always remember that I'm speaking of the general population.

There are always exceptions to every thought.
I believe when we first meet someone is it the general things we look for obviously because we know nothing else about that person. So it must start someplace. The color of their eyes, the way they dress, etc. But as we let down our guard and allow that person into our lives is when we have to start to see them through not OUR lens but rather letting the lens down ... by letting our "walls" down we tend to see things much differently.

A very true example of how this worked in my life some years ago. It's a lesson that I will never forget or under estimate again.
I met a man online and we just 'clicked' almost immediately. So much so that we decided to meet for dinner that very night in NYC. I was so nervous but yet in a way I wasn't. I've never done anything so bold as this before or after I should ad. I should say also that I never even saw a picture of him. His words and the way his personality shinned through was quite enough for me to take a train ride to NYC to meet him.

The very first time my eyes met his there was not the "big bang" explosion at all. I was perplexed actually when I saw him. His energy was amazing and completely took me off guard. But me being a girl, I had my vision in my head of what I wanted a man I was with to look like. Just as everyone has their own vision of what attracts them. I didn't feel this visual attraction. Though he was not bad looking by any means, I just didn't think he was "my type."

If you knew me, then you'd know also that I would never let anything as silly as that prevent me from spending time with and getting to know someone I genuinely like. And I did like him. His personality was exactly the same in person as on the computer and we hit it off as friends. Well, let me tell you how drastically my "lens" changed three years later. I would actually lay in my bed at night in awe of how completely beautiful I thought this man to be. He was so beautiful in my eye that I could actually tell you that when the sun shone down on him it created a white light around him that was probably the most beautiful thing I could ever see in a person. Through the years as I got to know him and he allowed me into his world I could see and feel the beauty. It's amazing how you can "see" one thing one day and how drastically your vision of what you "see" can change when you do look through the greater lens.

You are very astute in your thought process and that is so refreshing. You have stepped beyond that physical eye and understand that although someone can stand nude before you, you know that she is far from nude at all

You said;

I think what replaces true sensuality is a kind of “this is what I want, now what do you want and let’s see if we can give it to each other”. This is the totally wrong mind set. It says, I am ME and you are YOU and let’s negotiate this so we each as separate people can get what WE want.

Oh yes, I call this the "me, me, me" syndrome. And let's face it, Jeff, we are all subject to this syndrom at times. No one is immune to that! But when you are wide-eyed about it and can keep up in the forefront of your mind that is it not "me, me, me" all the time, I believe your entire out-look changes for the good.
I believe it is then and only then when you can actually understand, live and appreciate the true act of giving. When their wants and their needs become your "me, me, me." I'm not sure if that makes sense but I'm having a hard time explaining myself with this. When you can give that openness and complete devotion to another person's needs, when you can do this out of utter selflessness and when it's recieved that way it is then a true circle is created. When your "me, me, me" outlook disapates and in it's place is created, "us, us, us." It's amazing how then your "me, me, me" is now foundated on the actions you take that benefit a circle rather than two closed boxes. I hope this makes sense.

You said;

Let us begin to know by not knowing. Let us sensually paint on a blank canvas. What will result will be a new vine ready to bear new and refreshing fruit in our lives.

To this I say, "Amen"

Sincerely,
me

Touch - continued

2008-01-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

First of all, thank you for your warm and thoughtful comments. The way you tackle these issues related to sensuality is a bit like sailing in uncharted waters. Most people on the streets just don’t reflect and take apart the issue like you do. Most run on inertia, I think. To pause and ask the right questions while exploring answers, is by far the exception and not the rule.

The differences of touch for men and women........well, I’m almost inclined to not go there just because I don’t want to demystify the exchange which goes on in touch between the sexes. To put labels on the intimacy of touch has the danger of objectifying it to the extent that the sacred nature of real touch that reflects us at our core, could turn into a formula. Words on a page seem to fall short. It has to be gleaned by doing, and not talking about it. But your question is a fair one, and after all, I raised it first.

What I’m about to share does not take into effect the aberrations of desire which push people in categories of fetishes, excesses or more pejoratively, disordered behaviors. Most of these aberrations are relatively harmless, but not all. Pedophilia, is but one behavior which comes to mind as in the harmful category. Having said that, I believe there is at our core certain touchstones which are innate to each of the sexes.

As a man I can speak better about “men’s touch”, but I have enough experience with women (I was married for 20 years) to speak to “women’s touch” (keeping in mind that since I’m not a woman, I will never FULLY speak to that.)

Men NEED the touch of a woman to integrate so many parts of our lives. A woman’s touch says to us “be” instead of “do”. It may sound childish, but we are looking for an affirmation of our virile selves in a woman’s touch. We want our manly strength to be desired by a woman. We love to know that a woman desires what we have to give her. That our masculinity is valued.. Touch becomes the medium for these needs. Words won’t do it. Tactile intimacy is the avenue for communicating this.Women, I believe, deeply desire to be loved for being special in the eyes of their lover. Women want to be desired void of all the body issues which plague our culture. Her body is sacred and is wondrous without focusing on size of breasts, butt, hair color, or whatever drives this insane preoccupation to look different that what they naturally are. An assertive touch from a man says, “you are my woman and I desire and look out for your welfare”.

Men touch for effect. Women touch for connection. A man’s touch will at times be more stark. You mentioned the fact that all women in a moment of time like to have their hair pulled and “be taken”. It’s the natural way of things. That doesn’t excuse men from more gentle initiatives into touch, but reflects our essential nature. When a man practices patience and is attentive to the cues of a woman in bed, she gets other parts of her needs met. Women say, “I just want to be hugged”. What I hear is, “I want to be touched, not used as a sex object”. Women want to matter in a man’s life. Right touch confirms a woman that she is valued and worthy just the way she is.

I think we as men have been overly conditioned for genital touch. We want our women to want our penises. Oral sex is not only a big turn on but a very graphic affirmation our virile role with women. To orally receive us and even take our semen, speaks to a real primal dimension to who we are. Oral sex is too one dimensional for real intimacy, though.

I’ve used an awful lot of words here. If I had to write this over again I’d probably do it totally different, let me take a moment to speak personally about touch and take it out of strictly gender categories. When I touch a woman, I want to know and discover her body. In a clinical massage setting, that’s not ethical or possible, but even in that situation I can tell a whole lot about a woman by sensitively palpating different areas of her body. In a more intimate setting, I like to employ all the senses. To be able to smell, taste, see, feel. Simple things become wonderful gateways to discovery and pleasure. For instance, lightly grabbing a woman’s hair and bring her head to my face in order to smell the aroma of her hair and feel it’s texture, is a huge turn on for me. The sight of a woman’s vulva while on her knees viewing her from the backside, is wonderfully erotic. Biting a woman’s back between the shoulder blades....soaping up a woman in the shower and using my hands to explore her is a hugely satisfying. And on and on. I would hope that men in general enjoy similar things. It speaks to the reality that in order to get loving touch, that we have to be able to give loving touch. But for me, these things would vary from experience to experience because the cues and settings are always different.

You asked me what are MY expectations of touch are: I would just say that all I desire in touch is that a person puts their real selves into their touch. To touch me in ways which the other person is comfortable. To let me experience the new in what is your AUTHENTIC touch of me. To be present to me in your touch. To touch me because you WANT to touch me.

A final thought. Sensuality can’t be reduced to one dynamic, but if it could it would be eye contact. Eye contact is by far, the most erotic, stimulating and suggestive of all sharing. It reveals the good with the bad. Eye contact done well says things which otherwise could not be said.

Well....I’ve drifted a bit with your question. Thanks for bearing with some of the wordiness here. I would appreciate hearing your own thoughts on this subject. Obviously, this is not the definitive word on the subject of men’s and women’s touch, but hopefully it can start some conversation.

Yours,me back at ya....:)

******my response******

Good morning

Sometimes I have to read your letter more than several times to fully see and absorb everything you write. You are a wonderful writer and can express yourself in such a way that makes it very easy to understand.

Thank you for answering my question. I love what you wrote here;

You said;

Men NEED the touch of a woman to integrate so many parts of our lives. A woman's touch says to us “be” instead of “do.” It may sound childish, but we are looking for an affirmation of our virile selves in a woman's touch. We want our manly strength to be desired by a woman. We love to know that a woman desires what we have to give her. That our masculinity is valued. Touch becomes the medium for these needs. Words wont do it. Tactile intimacy is the avenue for communicating this.

This is the entire foundation of what I believe in. Where I believe the root begins as far as a woman's touch towards a man. I believe that without this affirmation, this caring, this touch or what ever else you want to label it under, that without it in a man's life it will most definitely effect every single area of his life in a negative way. That this truly is a basic need. Men are virile and showing their strength is part of their basic make-up. Showing their strength to women is one of a few basic needs. Claiming territory and their women is what men were made to do. Look at societies today. No matter how different they are they still are founded on these basic needs if you dig beyond all the other fluff around it.

When a man is strong and his testosterone is basically oozinig from him, women notice. We are attracted to the strongest men. The old saying "all the nice girls always are with the bad boys" This isn't something we do consciously. It is something instinctual. We can't help it. It all stems (I believe) from the basic survival instinct. Back in the days before civilized society, in a much more brutal and raw world, survival of the fittest was an every day way of life. Only the strongest survived. And only the woman who attached themselves to the strongest survived long enough to reproduce. THAT is our function. Both men and women are made to insure the survival of the species.

To take this even a step further, there is no doubt in my mind that this need to be received in such a way by a man is the exact polar opposite of a for a woman and her basic needs to give to such a man. Woman are born to nurture. To care for. To give to children and to men what they need emotionally. We are emotional creatures ourselves. You cannot give that which you do not have. Just as women are attracted to the "bad boys," Men are very attracted to those women in "need." A man will instinctually be more attracted to a woman in "need" rather than an utterly and completely independent strong willed woman. It's a fact of nature. It isn't something you consciously think of. Men have a basic need to Protect, to pound your chest and as to say "she's mine and what ever she needs I will get for her."

Of course every one is different and driven now by much different motivations. Obviously societal roles and functions have now replaced the instinctual roles we are born with. While I am glad we are a civilized society it nevertheless does not diminish or extinguish out our basic human needs. Men still need feel strong and virile and women still need to care for that strength. Women are attracted to strong men (and by strong I do not mean always physical strength), and men are attracted to soft and feminine women who attend to them. We love to feel protected and cared for. Thus our need to "cuddle" .....

PS. I love cuddling!

Touch

2008-01-16T17:22:00.000-05:00

Hello again

I've really appreciated your comments on your homepage in response to some of what I've shared. Your closing remark after my last submission gives me pause to consider your words, "anyone can have sex, what excites me is the art of touch".

It is rare to find someone who recognizes the primacy of touch as it relates to sensuality. We are such a utilitarian culture. Even when it comes to sex we speak of "getting off"...."cumming"...."The Big O"....it seems it's all about orgasm; and not really orgasm but our desperate pursuit of orgasm. We think sex is about arriving at the destination when it's actually the journey. Touch is the journey.

Think about reading a novel. What holds our interest is the ebb and flow of struggle and discovery between the characters. We learn something about the human spirit and ourselves by others trials and adventures. The imagery and language an author uses opens up new venues in our minds. It teaches, inspires and motivates us. Now, just transfer that dynamic to the dance of sensuality between a man and a woman. That dynamics name is "touch".

Touch that is powerful requires some mature character. It is about patience....it is about listening....it is about the other person. A gracious touch gives but it also receives without claiming its right to receive. Touch is about intuition....it's not about a menu of options or a bag of tricks. Real touch explores. So many couples complain that sex gets too routine....the same old thing all the time. The reason is that we hang on to what has already transpired. We take our cues from what already "has been". Isn't what we really want is to discover ourselves and our partner afresh? A surprising little nuance here, (i.e. "honey, I never knew you liked me to lick the small of your back"), or just simply trusting that if we give up on what we THINK we want and need, then something new and trans formative has a chance to become present.

It seems to me, that you offer us a chance to experience this unknown. You get us in touch with what is the source of our real desire rather than what we've been programmed to expect. That even our everyday sleeping partners don't even go there is a sorry statement about the state of relationships and intimacy.

This is a fertile topic for a lot of discussion, but let me end with one last thought. As a massage therapist myself, I always appreciate a pair of what I call "assertive hands". When someone lays their hands on you to engage you in massage, one can tell immediately if there is any tentativeness or confusion of their intent. Assertive hands say, "I am in charge here.... I know what I'm doing....trust me in this process....I have your best interests in mind". That you are able to get men to relax and let go to the extent you do affirms that fact that your hands assert their influence for well being of your client. You don't just run through a routine of sensual touches from a long menu which you've compiled over the years. You provide assertive touch and in the process claim new territory for your client and for yourself.

I believe that men and women have different expectations when it comes to touch, but that's a subject for another time. I hope some of this is helpful in visioning new possibilities for all of us.

Peace,
Jeff

******my response******

Dear Jeff,

You have hit so many nails on the head in this letter. I absolutely love the way your mind works.

You said;

We take our cues from what already "has been". Isn't what we really want is to discover ourselves and our partner afresh? A surprising little nuance here, (i.e. "honey, I never knew you liked me to lick the small of your back"), or just simply trusting that if we give up on what we THINK we want and need, then something new and trans formative has a chance to become present.

This is a wonderful and utterly correct thought. Letting go of what you "think" you want and need is the first step. Because usually that thought is where is the next orgasm coming from. As you stated before, the journey gets completely lost along the wayside. Many people do take the time to explore but when you're in a relationship communication is the only factor that will keep exploration a positive situation for both.

In everyday life this is not as easy as it may sound. Because of the fundamental differences between men and women (Mars & Venus). The stress of work, children, after school activities, late hours, both man and woman working and then all of this converging in a household in the evenings. Everyone has their own stories of the day, their own needs and own stress related energy going on. This is life and it's a reality and thus because of this our own sense of "self" is some how shuffled to the bottom of the deck. For the Single man it may be a dreary and frustrating take on the "dating scene". Not finding the "right" person or even a person we want to spend extended periods of time with. Being alone. We tend to think of orgasm as the only goal because in life this is basically all we have time for! So communication and exploration between couples sounds like it should be easy but in reality it takes so much dedicated work and effort. But as we both know, the rewards are awe inspiring.

You Said;

This is a fertile topic for a lot of discussion, but let me end with one last thought. As a massage therapist myself, I always appreciate a pair of what I call "assertive hands". When someone lays there hands on you to engage you in massage, one can tell immediately if there is any tentativeness or confusion of their intent. Assertive hands says, "I am in charge here.... I know what I'm doing....trust me in this process....I have your best interests in mind". JoAnne, that you are able to get men to relax and let go to the extent you do affirms that fact that your hands assert their influence for well being of your client. You don't just run through a routine of sensual touches from a long menu which you've compiled over the years. You provide assertive touch and in the process claim new territory for your client and for yourself.

This is absolutely true. For the most part, the men who come to see me are business men and usually stealing time from a busy day by rearranging meetings and soforth. So even walking in the door was a "process" for them. I completely understand this and this is why I DO take control almost immediately. I'm very confident but by no means conceited. I'm so very humbled by the trust bestowed upon me. I'm aggressive in a very passive way. I'm very aware of this and also aware of how essential this is to produce a relaxed envirornment within the first five minutes. Like you stated yesterday, I have a short amount of time to elicit many emotions.

I have taken what I've learned over the years and actually compiled a website for you, my readers. It is from all of my experiences that I am able to express my outlook on sensuality and how it fits into MY world. This includes my personal life's relationships. What I've done is take what I love, What I need, What I desire, What I believe enhances MY world and pass it on to you. If I do not love, trust in, believe in, desire, crave what I'm doing to you then nothing works at all and I wouldn't be doing it. So in reality this is a huge personal journey. I'm bringing you into my world. A world where pulling out the emotions from you is what feeds me. Again, back to the circle.

You Said;

You provide assertive touch and in the process claim new territory for your client and for yourself

I love this sentence because it sums it all up. Well it sums up this portion, as you said this is an extremely fertile topic and can go in many directions. I simply picked the direction that came to my mind first. Another time I might read it and it may elicit and entirely different direction. That's the great part about writing without planning!

You said;

I believe that men and women have different expectations when it comes to touch, but that's a subject for another time. I hope some of this is helpful in visioning new possbilities for all of us.

Oh Jeff, I would love to know what your expectations of touch are and also what you believe to be the fundamental differences that men and woman have in their expectations?

Yours,
me

Self-Esteem Issues

2008-01-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

The following are excerpts from a letter I received that I wanted to share because I thought it was an excellent topic for an open dialog.

Reader:

I have a self esteem problem. I am not alone however. It has been my observation that most people in the service industries have low self esteem. It's like they have to justify their existence. I know I feel my best when I'm giving to others. I don't have to think about my own problems.

You are so open and loving in your writing and seem to have no self esteem issues. How do you do it?

******my response******

There is NO ONE on this planet who doesn't have self-esteem issues. I've seen cover girls models look in the mirror and only see every imperfection. They do not see the beauty that is in and around them. I would be so bold as to venture a guess that 100 percent of the people walking this earth see themselves in a mirror much different than someone looking at them.

I'm open and loving because I drop all of my issues at the door. Like the world I'm walking in from so it will be there when I return back into it.
Everyone is in a 'service' industry. EVERYONE is serving someone in some capacity. So now do you see how even it all really is?

What I take advantage of is the time we have when that door closes out everything else. When I'm in a session I feel I'm out of the 'service' industry and enter something much more basic and real. Raw is a good word for it. The external issues that stem from what lies beyond the walls is a mass of very organized confusion. The service industry is society.
Where we go for as many hours is freedom for me.. and for you.

I hope some of this makes sense .. as I'm just writing as I feel and not trying to plan out what I'm saying to you. Because this is a wonderful topic and one I haven't given much thought to . So bare with any confusion I may bring to the table.

Yours,
me

Open Letters with "Jeff" Part 2

2008-01-15T20:44:00.000-05:00

Dear .....,

Thanks for your reply back.
Your words reveal a woman who speaks from profound experience and not just from ideas.Your response has evoked a whole bunch of stuff for me.....let me try to put some flesh on the bone of what comes to my mind for me .First, let me stay in the philosophical side of what you shared before sharing more personally. It seems to me, what you’re allowing your client (that seems like such a sanitary term....I guess I’ll refer to the receiver of your gifts as just “partner”) to experience is a real God centered vulnerability. I used to work with an author named Dr. M. Scott Peck. He would say, that without vulnerability, there is no hope for peace. His point is well taken in the sense that vulnerability is a HUGE risk. In my own life I have at times been slammed silly by people who I became vulnerable with and then, instead of seeing the sacred intent of that, have attached it to their ego and used it inappropriately. The result has been some very hurtful situations.

But in a session with you, my sense is that you create an atmosphere whereby vulnerability is truly possible. It is up to your partner to accept the challenge of taking the risk needed. Our fear as men is that the woman will take that and misuse it. But as men, it is fundamentally important for our maturation as men to manifest the “little boy” - our sexual fears about not “being enough”, and a host of other dark stuff which keeps us bound up. The link you provide for men is to make the breakthroughs needed to be more fully MEN. The blessing of woman who creates this opportunity is that she cherishes it enough to affirm that risk to the point of then having it unfold into something new and trans formative for us.It is an essential rite of passage for us men to offer up this risk to a woman who will then use her full womanhood to enter into our world.

Along with this vulnerability, I am sensing that an access to clearer intuition is unleashed by such an encounter. We intuit so much as human beings. We don’t act on so much of what we intuit because we don’t trust that part of ourselves. My experience is that when an encounter exists like you provide, the cloudiness around our intuitions gets cleared up (as much as it can in one circumstance). The accepted and cherished vulnerability ignites the passions in which our intuition lies. We access parts of ourselves, or rather, begin to trust part of ourselves that up to this point we couldn't risk trusting. Like you said, sometimes for a man this would mean that they just stay still and receive....a totally new experience for some. For others it may touch a wellspring of emotion and the tears act as a cleansing. For others they finally trust their now freed intuitions to where they start to take up the dance with you. I like what you said that “no dance is incorrect....the point is that we danced!!!!”.

A woman is the only gateway into this kind of freedom for men. Another man can’t do it. The joy, delight and peace which can develop through such an encounter could possibly make the difference in a man’s life between genuine freedom, or just getting by laden with the burdens which keep us from being fully the men we were intended to be. I am aroused as what must unfold as a result of that kind of encounter. Again, this missing link for us men can only be given by a women. There are missing links for women which can only be given by a man, but that’s a topic for another time.I know I’m getting kind of wordy here, but bear with me. This is all free flowing and I’ll just go with it instead of trying to edit.

What happens in these situations, I believe, is that the boundaries of mystery are permeated. Who we are as men and women have begun to be seen in light of the eternal now and the full potential and gift of our manliness and womanliness get unleashed. As created human beings we can’t live in mystery hour to hour, day to day, but we CAN have glimpses of that mystery. The fruits of those glimpses are surprising and wonderful. The time spent is passion which beckons from the mountain top - a place where rational thought is silenced and we don’t analyze, control or otherwise script, but simply live, move and have our being in the sacred polarities of being man and woman.The yeast or leaven for this encounter is the DIFFERENCES between men and women.

Some of what you describe on your website speaks to the basics of what draws women (and men too in their own ways) into their true and essential selves. The denial of this is a tragedy. You mentioned things like a women getting her hair pulled by a man and being encompassed by the mans strength and natural gift to be in that position and exercise that strength - that all women secretly desire such a moment. Culture thinks that it is being righteous in making equality the idol which it is in our society. In fact, what we do is deprive one another of our full humanity by such schemes. We enforce it’s rules through the media to where we’re afraid to take even the minimal risks needed to recover what we have lost as persons. We are physically MADE for these differences and for what constitutes the initiatives on the part of men and women to be fully themselves through each other.

The vagina is a sacred receptor of the penis. The penetration of the penis into the vagina cannot be a passive act. Their has to be initiative taken for the penis to be erect and for the very act of penetration. One gives, one receives. Strength and submission in a primal dance. All the dynamics of what lies behind this giving and receiving define us as men and women. The passionate rituals of love making and fulfillment of desire give rise to kind of dance that both of us mentioned in our letters. What a beautiful thing!

I’m on a roll here so hang with me a little while longer, my dear.......

(EDITED-Jeff's private situation)

What I like about what YOU offer is that you seem very attuned to what constitutes the inner man and you use his body and your touch to create the invitation to vulnerability and exploration. You seem to have a very evolved intent in what you do. My sense is that therefore you let men get what they need in a much more timely fashion through this knowledgeable loving intent. Some of this could take years, but you create an atmosphere where much can be accessed in just a few hours.

I think I’ve probably rambled enough here. I hope you find some of this helpful. It was very nurturing to be able to write it as it came to me. I look forward to more dialogue, if you’re open to that.

Yours,Jeff

******my response******

Dear Jeff,

Thank you and to answer your question. YES! I'm open to much dialog. You are very interesting man and I thoroughly enjoy your letters. I know how you feel about it being "nurturing" to be able to write as you feel without holding back. It is a very freeing feeling.

I love what you said about Vulnerability and how it can create many of the walls that most of us have. No one is immune to holding back for fear of getting hurt, rejected or ridiculed.

To quote you,

It is an essential rite of passage for us men to offer up this risk to a woman who will then use her full womanhood to enter into our world. A woman is the only gateway into this kind of freedom for men. Another man can’t do it. The joy, delight and peace which can develop through such an encounter could possibly make the difference in a man’s life between genuine freedom, or just getting by laden with the burdens which keep us from being fully the men we were intended to be.

This is the core the very root of a full "session". Meaning that I am fully and humbly aware that you are allowing me to enter your world. You are allowing me to touch you without fear or restraint. You are giving me free reign when in reality you probably know your bank teller in more detail than you know me. But perhaps this is exactly what is the catalyst to being able to allow yourself to be vulnerable?

That brings me to this thought; Many times I am asked if I would like to meet in a restaurant for a drink before the actual Massage Session. Just to get acquainted, talk and get to know one another a little before hand. My answer to this polite offer is always "no". And please let me be very clear in stating that it is NOT because I have no interest in meeting someone prior to a Massage Session. Nor that I have no interest in getting to know them in another setting IE a more "neutral" setting. But rather it is because I believe that the anonymity and the 'not knowing' is key to letting go.
The very first time I want you to see my smile is 5 minutes before you will lay bare and exposed to me. I need to take you out of your world and into mine therefore in turn you will allow me to enter yours. You see how a circle is almost immediately created?

You stated;

"But as men, it is fundamentally important for our maturation as men to manifest the “little boy” - our sexual fears about not “being enough”, and a host of other dark stuff which keeps us bound up"

Oh, how I love this sentence. Because it is so refreshing to see an honest and raw thought. One that I know many men must feel but I'm not even sure if you discuss this amongst yourselves. Also, let me just add in here that women have a host of fears that keep us bound up as well. But the point is that at some point we let go of them. Some point in life drop the ball, let it roll where gravity takes it. Let it have a life of it's own and let it be free. As you said you can't live your entire life like a ball rolling down hill following no path. But you certainly can for a few hours. I take full advantage of this time and explore every solitarty piece you let me. The more you let go the more I will want. LOL.. well.. now that sounds like a typical girl thing ... but in this case it's very true. The more you give, the more I will take. No more, no less.

Being vulnerable is essential.

You realized that and not only did you realize it you went on further in thought as to why and also where it has been lost and the sad results of it. You are very intelligent and insightful man.

Fact: Anyone can have sex at any time they want. That is not hard to find. That is not what excites me. What excites me is art of touch. Because not only will I caress your body but I will make love to your mind and for a few hours there will be no lines where one starts and the other ends.

Please do continue to write any and ALL thoughts you have. Go off in any direction you like. I'm enjoying you so.

Yours,
me

Open Letter from "Jeff"

2008-01-14T08:46:00.000-05:00

I'm posting on behalf of Jeff as we have been corresponding through E-mail. But with his permission I'm posting up our letters because I think they are absolutely thought-provoking and written with a raw and rare honesty that I value. Some parts have been edited out and I will be clear on when this happens.

Dear ......,

I had run across your website a year or two ago and recently revisited it and spent some time taking in your words. Seeking to align our thoughts and actions grounded in our innate, organic being as men and women, is truly a path work seeking. What society has created as the image of what a man and a woman are, is simply contrived. The illusion that men and women inhabit a unisex culture has led to the sorry state of relationships among the sexes. To touch, smell, taste and otherwise employ all our senses under the reality of who we truly are as men and women, is a rare gift. Even though we've never met, I thank you for having the courage to be naturally who you were made to be in a setting that allows us men to reconnect with who WE truly are.I was trained as a massage therapist but bowed out of the profession a few years back because it was just too clinical and routine. It truly is a woman's profession and as a man, I was more interested in sensual mystery than I was about being a clinician. I have had what I call, "intuitive sensual massages" with a couple of women who were seeking a similar path as your own. You articulate it much better than most, but still, most are afraid what it has to offer. In this day and age with the dangers of what a stranger may bring to a session, some of this guardedness is understandable. But.....when we can drop our guards and just enter into a moment based the what we can sensually and intuitively offer each other, than, we have entered blessed territory.The closest I have experienced to what you offer as sensual submission and loving intent is from a gal named "X" (Edited out website). It seems to me that in the exchange of what you talk about on your website, that there has to be some mutuality of touch and exploration among both partners. Speaking for myself, it would be VERY hard for me to not follow my own intuitive instincts to extend touch and sensual exploration to the other person. The ebb and flow of moving to the mystery and energy of lady in contact with me would be overpowering. The times when I have had this experience with a woman, it has been nothing short of a dance of delight. The movement of hands and body were so fluid and created a kind of sensual improvisation which was based in a trust of the other person and desire for the journey ahead. The overpowering energy of touch and movement are far more intriguing than actual sexual penetration.There is more I could share about the feelings which go with being part of this kind of sensual exploration, but I guess I'll just leave it at that. I felt like I wanted to put my own words to some of what you opened up for me on your web page.
Please write back if you wish, but if not, I wish you deepening venues for what you seek as a truly natural woman.

Peace,Jeff

************My Response**************

Dear Jeff.
What a beautiful letter. What a way to wake up. Thank you.
First, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my site and for writing. Both are truly appreciated. It is such a pleasure to get feedback from someone who can see the depth of the words and feelings I put down on cyber paper. When I feel something passionately and with 100 percent good intentions it then becomes something that I can easily convey through words. I'm very thankful for that ability.

You couldn't be more right about the lost connections that men and women have. The crazy rules and Political Correctness of the day have nothing short of taken our genders and placed them nude in a huge empty completely void of colors and textured room. Here we sit guarding our emotions and basic instincts for fear the other might actually enter our world and see and feel us for who we are and who we were meant to be.

I know that sounds very deep and over-dramatized but also in this world there is the complete opposite of that. As we both know in the Middle East where woman are kept down as societal and perhaps even religious excuse to do so. So, where is the middle ground of all of this mishmash and confusion.

I suppose everyone has to figure that out for themselves within the details of their own life. But I do know in general that here in the "modern" world we fought so hard to be "PC" that we lost that which is inherently "Us."

To the emotional part of what you spoke about. Oh, yes, I agree fully. One must participate and complete the dance that is sexual desires and love. Now, That is what makes this session a bit unique. At least this is why I believe it to be. Only because I have seen it and felt it work in such dramatically different ways that I've come to the conclusion that if done right, there is no dance that is correct. The point is that we danced!!!!!!!

This is why I strongly suggest that the person I'm massaging does not move, see or feel anything but me touching them for at LEAST the first 45 minutes. It is to allow that person the needed, non-rushed time to let go of the life he just walked in the door from. That is not always easy but I have an abundance amount of patience and love this "clearing out and connection" stage. It is essential to everything that will follow. Nothing works until this is accomplished. It takes time, tender caring and an extremely soft touch.

Here is where the dramatic differences then will take place. After we both are "floating" as I call it. The varied responses to this have sometimes taken my breath away. Some find it physically impossible to move. Meaning their minds and body and so completely in-tune and relaxed that movement isn't even a thought. The arousal may be more intense than they have ever felt before and even just the slightest movement by them might result ejaculation when they might not want this to occur yet. (this happens by far and away more times than any other response). I cultivate this arousal. I play with it. Tease it, Gently care for it but above all I control it. I then can control the ebb and flow again and again and again and so on.

Some find that after they have relaxed and allowed our energy to connect they can actually be stimulated and aroused again. Meaning that some people have had issues concerning this due to stress or medications they take. There are a million reasons but for most the connection and the letting go and the just "feeling" allows for a full body arousal. Thus, in either case The dance can begin as you might suggest it will. Because for this the dance is the ebb and flow. One they have might not have felt in an extremely long time.

The time I take in the beginning. the connecting is then an avenue that not only affects their body but more importantly their mind. Because of health issues and stress some men believe that an arousal isn't even a possibility any more and thus come to me thinking they will at least be able to feel a soft touch of a woman. The then are very, very surprised that once they let go and allow their mind and their bodies to become one through the art of touch that arousal is not only possible but is a definite.

Some of the emotions that have come from an extreme sensual massage as I suggest here are varied and very, very strong. From a complete break down of walls and insecurities they may have had before they walked in the door, that resulted in tears (unbelievably wonderful to be able to be a party and witness to this). Full body orgasms that a person may never knew they could have nor even existed. But above and beyond EVERYONE leaves renewed, revived and completely stress-free.

The point is this; everyone takes out of this exactly what THEY need. NOT what I provide as a menu or a list. This is the reason I love what I do and believe in it so strongly.

Yours.
me