Uncomplicated Giving

Giving is a way of life... Uncomplicated giving is just that. Uncomplicated. When you stand at the doorway a few extra seconds while you wait for someone to get there or when you pass by a stranger and actually look in their eyes and smile is a beautiful way to give. No strings and no agenda this is something that can profoundly change the way in which that person interacts with the people involved in his world that day. Not to mention that it makes ME feel good.
For me, this act of sensuality is an integral part of who I am and how I am. This doesn't mean that I want to have sex with strangers that I smile at or hold a door open for. What it does mean is that there is never a time in my life I reserve my sensual self for. There are so many levels that my own sensuality can be present and alive every single second of my waking hours.
I remember on time I was walking into a 7'11 and I saw a man get out of his car and head up to the door. Now, of course I know he's coming to the door though he was probably a good 20 seconds away from it. I know that doesn't sound like long but in the world of holding a door open I believe most people have a 2 second rule. If you are not directly behind the person going in you just let go of the door. So, anyway, I waited for him with a smile.... In the grand scheme of things, what is 20 seconds out of my life........ well, I'll tell you what that 20 seconds is for me.... and now for a complete stranger..........
It was profound. This person's gate was heavy, strong, determined as he bounded toward the door looking down the entire time. I'm sure his mind was on something that completely engrossed his every thought and I don't think those thoughts were positive. You can always tell when someone is not a "happy camper".
I found all of this out within the 20 seconds I stood there waiting for him. When he finally did look up and saw me there he was a few feet away from the door in which I was holding and he gallantly stepped up to a fast walk as to not make me stand there longer. That was a nice gesture. I immediately said, "don't run, it's too early for that. Take your time, no rush". He stopped and he look at me and said..."Young lady, you just made my day, Thank you". that said with a smile that was expressed not only by his lips, but by his eyes. I watched the angst that followed him out of his truck completely disappear. What I saw was a pair of big brown smiling eyes.
Why did I do this.. Not for him, I don't know him... I do this for me... because giving or transferring positive energy out to the universe via one person at at time makes me feel happier than I made him feel. This is a circle of giving that is uncomplicated and one in which is so easy to give. I have found that I no longer even have to think about these sorts of things.. they now come naturally and lovingly.
I believe the guarded walls we all create to survive have been moved back in my mind. This allows me to be so much more empathetic to the human condition. I went from wondering why someone was "looking at me" to enjoying that instant and spontaneous connection with a smile. It's a huge leap in NY to do that.. any of you that live here understand what I'm saying and what I mean.
Smile at strangers, hold a door a few extra seconds. You will be happily surprised how much this changes your outlook and your state-of-mind as well as the ones you are around.

Neglecting my Blog!

Wow.. August was the last blog. What the heck have I been doing that has taken me away from my writing. I'm not being a very good Muse lately, am I ?

Well, as we all know life tends to get in the way of our fun sometimes. But not to worry, it's all been good stuff. Well... the economy isn't that hot but I know this too shall pass. My heart-felt wishes for your success during this time is always given. I too work in a construction business that has slowed down dramatically.

This is a note to you telling you that I will be writing again. One of the things that has kept me from writing here is that I've been writing other places! As most of you know, I created my own website and do this also as a hobby. I write on all types of subjects as they hit my brain I create an area for them to be seen. Not all are related to the "adult" type websites.

I have been doing Body Work and Exploration for a few years now and have developed my own personal style. Not only that, but I've actually developed an entirely new massage technique based on Esalen and Tantric Touch. These are now incorporated into my own technique which I'm in the middle of getting Trademarked. So as you can see there is a lot going on right now.

I will never forget about this blog or SensualExploration.com It is my first love and always will be. This is by far the most favorite places for me to be. Giving a Sensual Massage for those who genuinely crave them is the most wonderful exchange I can ever think of. I love the human sensual spirit and crave to explore every inch of it with you!

So, though I might not be blogging as much for a little while, please know that I am here and available! Please feel free to write on my blog what ever you like and I will always respond in kind. No matter what, there is never a time when I don't want to know your thoughts, desires, likes and dislikes all the time!

::Hugs::

Negative Cycle "Why are you just sitting there?"

Negative Cycle

Need for touch and the lack of it in this hustle bustle world. Some people are so accustomed to giving, giving, giving that they do not have the ability to relax and feel. I see this on a regular basis. To truly understand and grasp what I ask of someone is not an easy thing to do. It only sounds easy. For some the act of receiving brings on many negative feelings... that being mostly of guilt.

In some peoples lives, the act of giving to oneself... IE... taking a few hours of a Saturday or Sunday and actually NOT doing any chores around the house. Maybe taking those hours to lay on the couch or out by the pool with no work involved at all is never an option. They are programmed or even made to feel that they MUST always be "doing" something. Guilt then becomes something that is associated with receiving or the "giving" to oneself.

So, as I said before... while my words may sound very easy in reality they are not. For some, it is near impossible....The mind is where all sensuality and sexuality are kept, stored and rationalized.

It's Okay to do "nothing". In reality you most assuredly are doing much. Regenerating your energies, relaxing your spirit, allowing yourself time to reflect and let go of what ever came before, to empty out the caverns of your mind and rearrange and regroup. These are all essential functions that are just as important to our mental well-being as is food to our survival.

When this basic survival need is stripped from us it does affect your entire world. Everything trickles down and around. Everything you lack in your life will eventually affect those things that you have. Though the more you lack the more what ever positive things in your life will turn negative. It is a cycle. As is all of life. One thing feeds off of the other and so on and so on creating the very energy that is "you".

The key to growing a positive cycle I believe starts with oneself. Though what I say might also be the complete breakdown of whatever is left of a relationship. Because when people in a marriage to do not grow together in or at the very least grow openly and with the full support of the other one it will probably cause a deeper separation. So take what I say to heart and with much insightful thought.

The next time you want to just lay down on the couch and read a book or watch TV. The next time you want to just take a drive that does not involve a task, or you want to lay by the pool without having to vacuum it...... DO IT!!!!

Learning to give to yourself is not something that is a luxury. It is not a gift or something to be held as a gift or a reward. It is a basic human need. It is the revitalization of your spirit and your positive energy. When you can do this without feeling guilt from yourself and from the others around you, you will begin to understand that it is completely possible to receive guilt-free.

It is then and only then when the positive cycle will begin to be created. It will slowly replace the negative connotation associated with taking the time out for yourself. As you begin to experience this it will amaze you how the ones around you will also begin to see and feel the difference. That when your spirit is positively charged it changes the entire energy of the space you are in and those around you are in. It will then trickle into every one's world.

This all takes time. None of this happens over night. In fact, I'd venture a guess and say that at first it will create an even more negative space for you. As the ones around will resent this simply because they are not accustomed to it. The idea that you are "lazy" or that you "do nothing" is a very very common reaction. This is something that will take time. As you will generally then feel the "guilt" that is laid upon you. This is sort of a comfort zone that you will have to break out of. As we all know, even if something is negative we tend to stay in it because it is something we know and are comfortable with. Change is scary. Even when it's based on the end result being very positive for everyone.

Back to the 'need for touch', this is still just as important. When there is a lack of intimacy in ones life then you MUST give to yourself that which you have the ability to give. No one can make you feel anything. You choose to feel and to let in and embrace every emotion that you have. That being said, it is my contention that you also have the ability to change that and to allow some new ones in.

Create your positive cycle.

Recommended Reading:

Just Friends - Marriage without Intimacy

What qualifies me to write about the intimacy that goes on between a Man and a woman within their own marriage. Quite frankly, nothing. Though I do qualify to write on what I've learned from years of truly listening. Instead of the usual, "waiting for him to get done talking so that I can". I can say this without reservation and without judgement simply because I was in the same exact boat seemingly without an oar! Not only didn't I have an oar, I was without a compass and direction. We simply get married, have children, work, raise kids, clean the house, get promoted, mow the lawn.

We never thought we had to work on our marriage. After all, everything was running like a well-oiled machine. When there was a kink, we fixed it. But what really happened was the exact opposite. We assumed our marriage was good because the kids were happy, the lawn was green, we got a promotion at work. After all, we never fought, we never yelled, we never negated the responsibilities we took on in the marriage. We never forgot about the kids, the yard work, the home works. We never forgot what night and time American Idol or Law and Order was on. We remembered a lot of things. The only thing we really forgot about was intimacy and the passion in our own bed. We even kidded ourselves into truly believing that although this passion was almost non-existent that we were "friends". That everything else was good except the lack of passion and intimacy. "Well, he is a great provider and a great father", "Well, she is a great mom and she takes care of everything we need". "We are friends." Somehow, we have made ourselves believe that this is enough. That passion can fall to the wayside and not be counted as important anymore. We seemed to actually almost talk ourselves into believing that those other things cancelled out the need for intimacy.

I say, almost because NOTHING can ever replace the passion that everyone needs that only comes from desire, lust, love and need. Friendship without passion can not ever sustain a healthy marriage. I say "healthy" because it can sustain a marriage for years and years but it certainly is not in top form health-wise. We get along all day long. We laugh at each other's jokes, we entertain and have a great time complimenting one another. We go on great vacations. We agree on many things. The only thing we don't do is talk. Truly talk. Talk about the stress and tension that getting into bed every night together feels like. Talk about the times it's just easier to fall asleep on the couch to avoid the entire situation.

What's really going on here? It's not really about sex though sex is what is missing. It's not really about friendship though we think we are friends. It is about what's missing from him, from her, from ourselves. Somewhere along the line, some where in between getting up to warm bottles at night, little league baseball, dance lessons and homework, we forgot that we are a man and a woman. "Why doesn't she like sex anymore"? "Why can't he ever touch me without it being Sexual"? We are parents, we are a couple and we are individuals.

This is the first part in the Series, "Intimacy". I will delve into some of the thought processes that may be going on within a marriage based on years of listening to men and women and on my own intuition. I will talk about the Single man or woman who find it almost impossible to commit to more than a few dates. And to those who simply do not know how to allow intimacy into their life. Your mature and positive feedback is always welcome and encouraged. The only way to learn, is to listen.

"Heart Chakra" Part 2

****** Robert's Response & Questions *******


hello Robert... thank you for writing!!

I want you to understand that I truly DO understand what you are saying.. But I want you to give something some thought before you make decisions on what you believe you will feel.. I offer to you another perspective.

First and foremost... Robert.. if you call me for a session you say to me..

How can you let me go.. how can you give.. how can I give in such an intimate way and it not have a profoundly negative effect of missing.. and of grieving that loss.

This is exactly how..and I want you to think about this ......... You are calling me for a specific reason... because you are in need and you somehow found my website ..and my words..and somehow my presence and emotions came through to you enough for you to want to meet me for what I described on my site. So ... You call me... I know nothing about you before this..and you know nothing about me before this.. But yet, we both are in that room together open to the idea that within a few moments we will share some extremely intimate time together.

You have jumped now leaps and bounds ahead of what it would normally take to get to such an intimate position with another human being. You know nothing about me other than what you read. You can not miss that which you do not know. But you will experience such profound loving and tenderness nonetheless. And not only that, so will I. But what you do when you leave that room I have no idea about. I do not know your thoughts, your past, your dreams, your hesitations, your fears, your happiness. You do not give me that which is YOU. Just as you know nothing that will happen or has happened before or after we are together. You come to me to receive something .. To feel something... But you do not come to me to fall in love with. You are by-passing all that it takes to fall in love and we are stealing emotions meant for another time and place.

Because we have no past, we have no future allows us to have such a pure energy exchange... there is nothing in the way... nothing to over come.. nothing to talk about...So I say to you, Robert. How can you tell me that you would fall in love with me after a two hour session and truly expect me to believe that. You do not know me to love. But not to dismiss what it is you are feeling. Because it is very real. As real for you as it is for me. You love what I can bring out in us. You love the loving with abandon.

Robert,,, Your heart will not break upon walking out of the door. You will feel exactly the opposite. You will feel full and quite happy. Your heart will feel light... Your smile will be real and you will not feel anything that even comes close to "missing" me. You will be ever so thankful that you might have found someone that can give to you that which would take many months or even years to achieve with someone.

I will truly believe your heart would break upon me walking out the door if you actually had a relationship with me. Was with me during all times of my life. Experiencing my entire world with my invitation to join it. And with your invitation for me to join yours. If that was the case, when I did walk out the door, you would know that I was going to be with you in every other capacity, like the loss you are going through now with your divorce that is what you feel. That is the loss. Not the 2 hour love-making.. But the life spent together! We simply have no memories to miss ... We only have what we just created..and if you walked out the door with a sadness about that I would be utterly shocked. In fact, I'm willing to bet that you wouldn't feel what you think you will.

Please think about this because I believe it's very important. You are talking about something entirely different and intertwining it with having an extremely sensual time with a woman who you found on the Internet who shares and can bring out the very best in both of us for a few hours with the emotions that can ONLY come from a relationship that extends way beyond that of a two hour sensual massage. I'm not making light of what I do, Robert, but you have to understand the lines that are drawn just by the very fact of your calling me. After all, you are not calling me for a night out to dinner to get to know me. You are calling me because you wish to feel that which comes months and years after that initial dinner. I'm very aware of that fact and do not confuse it for anything else. What I do is take full advantage of it. I absolutely devour every second that we are together knowing full well that I will have no idea what you do or who you date after you walk out of the door. I didn't know what you did before that session and I do not know what you will do after it. We do not share that with each other. That is not why you called me. It will not concern you what I'm doing or with whom when you are not around. In fact, you will cherish the fact that you don't know and that you are not accountable to me. Because if that was the case it would be a much more complicated situation and it would never come close to what we are to each other. You will not worry what I'm doing or who I'm doing it with, you will only have a wonderful memory of a time that is unique and look forward to the day we might meet again or just put it away and savor it as a very special memory.

You Wrote:

because for me, it is about JoAnne and Robert

This is NOT about US as a couple Robert. This is about US for a few hours. There is just no way I can believe it is any other way having never saw you before, having no knowledge of your life outside of the walls we are in at that time. You will not "fall in love" with me. You will, however fall in love with the knowledge that you can feel outside of the box! More intensely than you even think. That you will fall in love with the idea that there is a person with whom you can share such intimacy with without any outside influences. You are NOT coming to me to be your girlfriend, Robert. We both know that. So, with this being said, please keep this in perspective and give it some thought.

If you would have found me in any other capacity Robert, we wouldn't even kiss on the first date! Nor would you ever know the spirituality that resides deep within me. That my dear Robert would take much time to share with you.

So you see, this "stealing of time", is something that I take advantage of too. Not just you!

You Wrote:

The more I think about it, the more I believe that if we shared this spiritual experience, that I am going to want you to be "mine". Shallow and possessive? Maybe. A reality, nonetheless?Definitely.

I know this is NOT a reality. Robert, you might not like what I like on TV. You might not like the way I brush my hair. You might not like my laugh or the way I drive. You know NOTHING about me enough to say you'd want me to be "yours". You only know you love ONE thing about me. Trust me when I say this, I'm just as complicated as any other woman. And for you to make that descision without knowing me only tells me that you are in great need at this time of your life. That your need is not that of a spiritual entire oneness, but to feel that which you HAD with someone. That which took many years and trials and tribulations to create. This is what I offer to you. I offer to you the notion that you can and will by-pass years of getting to know someone and allowing you to tap into my energy with no work or effort before hand.

You Wrote:

I mean, JoAnne,when EVERYONE is "special", how is anybody, really special?

Oh my, Robert, how is anyone NOT special. I can not fathom the notion that when you call me and trust me that you are NOT special. YOU ARE! You are special in what you give to me in this moment in time. Nothing more.. nothing less. I hope this makes sense to you because I truly hope you think I'm just as special in this moment in time.

You Wrote:

Don't you ever want someone, a man, a woman, to love you so deeply, just, and Exactly for,who you as an individual are?

A Resounding YES, YES, YES to that question. But because you know nothing about me other than what you are reading in my site and because you never wanted to take the time to know me.. ( you found my site and are calling for a reason) You will never know the answer to that question. You are assuming that I do not have that in my life now. You are assuming that because you do not know me. LOL .. I know I keep repeating myself here but I'm just trying to stress the very core of who WE are to one another.

Robert and JoAnne. Are two separate people who come together in some capacity as strong as ying is to yang. We didn't meet because you answered a dating site ad.

Love who we are Robert, at this moment in time. I do!!!

Heart Chakra

Dear Robert.. Thank you for writing... and I sincerely hope that we do get to meet one day.. how wonderful that would be!

I want to answer some of your questions because they are very very justified questions. And I am putting them on my blog because I believe they are so justified that they might even be on the mind's of other people who happen to glaze over my site and my thoughts. I hope you don't mind.

You wrote:

I can understand that you do not know of anyone else doing this type of work. I cannot imagine that many people would have what it takes to keep their heart chakra open on demand. JoAnne, if you are able to create the experience that you describe, it is a very special gift that you have. Usually, this is available only to lovers. It is intriguing to me how you can allow that sort of energetic connection, and then just walk away. Doesn't your heart break a little some of the time? Don't you run into people that are not on the same vibe as you, and doesn't that make it very difficult for you to create the experience for them?

I never really thought of it as "keeping my heart chakra open on demand" but I supposed if I believed in chakras and to someone who does.. then that is exactly what I'm doing. I truly do appreciate though the word "gift" .. because that is truly what I believe it is.. Nothing more.. nothing less. I don't really understand Chakras.. I do have a book on them but honestly have never read it. When I first started my sensual massage I didn't even know the names "tantra" "esalen" "kazerra" "chakra" .... Robert, All I did was what came natural to me. What I've always done and and what I've always loved. Inside of a relationship or not. That being... To give of myself freely and without judgement. This is something that is not new to me. What is new, however, is the ability to name it all and to put slight "labels" on it. Honestly, I did that for my readers .. not for myself.

I've learned through the years through and through experience listening to other people with true intent to learn someone. Not through words.. but through energy. Energy speaks volumes. Words are for the most part, 'words'. Most people, including myself, go through daily life on a scripted basis or, if you will, a menu. We go to work, we go to dinner, we go home, we do all the little things in between that. Most of these things now take no real thought process. We sort of become a nation of people on automatic pilot. How many times have you said... "wow, this day just flew by" Most of the time when you say that if you tried to even remember what you did at mid day you would have a hard time bringing that memory back. Automatic Pilot.

You Wrote:

I cannot imagine that many people would have what it takes to keep their heart chakra open on demand.

I like this sentence only because it made me feel good. *smile*

I don't believe my heart Chakra is something that I have to open on demand. Or because I'm in a session, Robert. I truly believe it never closes. I don't want you to think that I go through 365 days a year in a "giving" mode without my own life issues. I want to make that very clear. I have my own issues in life and things that cause me stress. I'm just like anyone else! I get road rage sometimes, I get annoyed and I experience anger. I don't want you or anyone to think that I'm somehow beyond all of that. I certainly am not.

My question to you then becomes this. How can my heart not be so gratefully open and loving when someone who has only read my words on a website trust me then to meet. How can one's heart not open to that. I'm not opening it up on "demand" Robert. I'm opening it up because it was provoked open by the very trust that you have put in me just by writing me a letter!!!! How can I not feel that beauty. This "heart chakra" is not something I open and close, open and close on demand. Certainly it is always Pried open by someone. Might it be then that I see such beauty in things that people at times might over-look? Even you were surprised (as you said in your second letter to me) that I even took the time to respond to you. How can I not, is the real question. I was moved... my heart chakra was opened by you.... NOT by me!!

This is the ONLY way in which I can understand and reply to your questions. I simply do not know how it can be any other way.

You Wrote:

It is intriguing to me how you can allow that sort of energetic connection, and then just walk away. Doesn't your heart break a little some of the time? Don't you run into people that are not on the same vibe as you, and doesn't that make it very difficult for you to create the experience for them?

It is so easy to "just walk away" Robert. Walking away is not what you might think it is. From reading what you are saying you feel that by my walking away I am losing something or even walking away empty and unfulfilled. To create such an energetic connection is utterly amazing and so fulfilling!! To walk away is the way it has to be. I feel like this. For two hours we shut off Automatic Pilot. We disengage from our "real" world and fly without direction and with pure abandon. Throw down the Map!! Shut off your Cell Phone, no GPS will follow you into our space!!!! I use this time as much as someone who comes to me! This is NOT one sided! Then my question becomes.. Robert, how do you walk away from me? How will your heart not break walking away from me? Your heart chakra will be just as exposed and opened as mine. You somehow have concluded that at the end is some kind of negative experience. NEVER have I even come close to feeling what you described. I'm going to be bold and venture to guess that not one of my clients have either. In fact, walking away was quite pleasurable for both. The hug at the beginning of a session and the hug at the end are two very different encounters! The latter being much more intimate and with pure "positive" energy as a basis. My heart is abundantly full at the end and is in no way, shape or form remotely close to anything resembling "breaking".

Yes, I do run into people who are not on the same vibe as me every single time I meet someone. No one can be on the same vibe ever with a stranger and upon meeting them for the first time. But what is true is that they are "willing" to become on the same vibe as I am and allowing me to bring them there :)

Everyone is different, Robert. No one reacts the same. Every one's automatic pilot is set differently. My goal is to find that level and to break through it. So you say how do I "create" the experience. I think you have to understand that I am not "creating" anything that isn't given to me. I'm not going by a menu that I have to make a person adhere to. This is about you, your reactions. What I do is based on that. You "create" the scene, not me. I'm simply a lightning rod if you will. I take in what you give me and I ground it and then disperse it evenly in you and in me. I combine that which you give me and that which is me with you. This is not something that can be created by me alone.

Yes, there are times when someone just can't let go enough to fully feel the true exchange of energy that I know is amazingly real and beyond that which is an every day occurrence. But that doesn't mean the session is less than that of one who let's go more. It is what it is. It is exactly what that person needs because it is guided by them. That is what makes it is utterly unique. Creating is never hard for me, or to exchange energy is never something that is difficult for me. I'm truly honored that someone is trusting me enough to take things from them which completely bust through their automatic pilot and trust me enough to take the wheel for just a few hours.

Robert, The true Gift is that your heart chakra can open, as you say, "on demand".

The "Circle"

From a Reader

I just walked by this beautiful woman today. I do not know if it was pheromones or what, but i felt great. I told her what I was thinking. She is married and we work together so i was just wondering how i could bottle that energy. And, I lost your web site. Please write me back.

****my response****

You don't have to bottle anything, my friend.

You already have it inside of you.. You ARE the bottle!!!! When you feel something positive and you generate it inside of yourself and then transfer it to someone or everyone around there is no doubt in my mind that you created a positive circle.
I know you believe that you told a woman she was beautiful because it was your hormones, testosterone talking and guiding and you and while that may be correct, I'm sure you used the utmost respect when you told her how you felt at the very moment in time. What you did was tell her how she made you feel. That something about her made you feel good. In turn, you told her and expressed to her back that positive energy she was giving out. Thus, the Circle.
You see, Patrick, it doesn't matter how big or how small your giving is.
All that matters is that you gave it.